


As Long As You're Mine

by LitsyKalyptica



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Awkward Thorin, Brotherly Love, Chronic Illness, F/M, Falling In Love, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Multi, Star-crossed, Tattoos, Unrequited Love, spoiled rich kids
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-03-18 16:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3575553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LitsyKalyptica/pseuds/LitsyKalyptica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were falling in love with the one person they shouldn't, knowing it could only end badly -and somehow they didn't care. (Tauriel is Kili's new private nurse.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sleeping felt like even less of an option, but the only one his Ma would let fly as long as he was in the Kwiet Room. If she came in to check on him now, she’d find him throwing a Koosh ball up at the ceiling and he’d get quite the earful. About how he was supposed to be resting against the restlessness the room alone brought out of him; about how he was putting himself at risk when he put his body through the strain of… tossing a Koosh ball?

Everything he’d already heard and after thirteen years, if it hadn’t sunk in already, she knew it wasn’t likely to change –and yet she kept trying. Why? “Because you’re my baby boy,” she’d say, bringing a sheet back up around his shoulders as if to swaddle him like he actually was a baby she was desperately trying to get to sleep.

But today the Kwiet Room was particularly stifling. The most immediate reason, and most physically distressing, was the light. A warm familiar sunbeam shone through the open window, bypassing the glass directly to the bed up against the same wall. The blinds were up and out of the way. Kili usually enjoyed the sunlight but it was at such an angle this afternoon that, no matter how he moved along the head of the bed it shone right in his eyes. He winced against the direct brightness and tossed the rubber thing back up into the air. He thought for a moment about throwing it out the window, but it was too far from the patio at this end of the house. It wouldn’t hit anyone in the head and that took the fun out of it.

He huffed as he was reminded of the worst of his stay today. Everyone was here and all about the house, getting ready for the surprise party, and the surprise of which he probably wouldn’t be able to take part in.

“You’ll be out of here at five,” Ma had promised when his protests that morning had been particularly vehement. “Fili won’t be home until five-thirty.”

But he knew his brother better than anyone did, even their mother. And after not seeing his family for months, away at school, surely he’d be here much earlier than he’d said –to surprise them, unaware of their intentions to surprise _him_. It seemed stupid to the younger one and even more stupid that he couldn’t be the first one to see his brother home.

He was left alone all day, aside from the irregular check-ins from his mother. She was amazingly shameless with family and friends about the daily situations, and as people had arrived to help with the party she first made sure everyone knew that while they’d be working to welcome her oldest son home, the youngest of two was “sick in isolation” and “to be left alone.” His uncle said that’s how it always went, whenever Kili was unwell and company was over. He took Thorin’s word for it, with little other choice.

“Why can’t someone just break the rules for once?” But the others weren’t willing to instill his mother’s anger or agitate his illness. Nobody called, nobody came. He kept looking out the window to see if anyone had snuck away and he could call out to them. Ori had been lingering nearby a few hours ago, struggling to make himself of use at decorating the yard –Kili had tried to call out to his friend, but his voice was hoarse after the argument that morning and then disuse, and his words didn’t reach his tutor’s ears.

“I’m not that sick.”

He watched the clock when his toy fell too far out of reach. He took a sip of water and the green numbers made out 4:27. He’d been counting the hours since nine, and the minutes since three. _Too long_ , he thought. _Still too long and no one around._

“I’m not contagious!” he called out to no one, smirking to himself –that should get someone’s attention, even if his ma’s and the kind of attention he didn’t usually want.

There was a pause, but he heard muffled voices: someone was hesitant to join him. He almost wanted to call out and coax them, provoke them, but there was no need. Footsteps came –one, two, three, each step clicking sooner than the last. And good news, it wasn’t the clop of his mother’s heels. Maybe a friend was coming by to see how shitty he was today.

The knob turned (no one ever knocked when he was supposed to be asleep, whether or not he actually was.) The door slid open to reveal a shorter and stouter man than Uncle Thorin, but even when he had barely revealed himself in the crack of the doorway Kili recognized him easily.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping.” Bilbo’s voice came hushed as if he worried the boy’s mother would be behind him any moment.

“How can I sleep when it’s such an exciting day?”

“I think the excitement is exactly what your mother’s worried about.” Bilbo moved inside and shut the door behind him, moving closer to the bed and sitting down against the teen’s right thigh. “How are you feeling?”

Kili shifted a little, not uncomfortable except with the question, and maybe a swelling feeling in his chest moving to his shoulder. “’M fine. Better than when I woke up. Not bad enough to be in here, honestly.” He stared out the window, at the mountains and the trail leading down into the valley. Fili would be riding down the winding road in a friend’s car, the tail end of a long drive following a longer flight. He’d be exhausted by the time the party would start but be grateful enough to celebrate his return nonetheless. Kili smiled at the thought and turned back to Bilbo. “I think it was the excitement that got me in here, but not the bad kind. I just can’t wait.”

Bilbo nodded and smiled in understanding, patting the boy’s shoulder. He went to say something but was interrupted by the creaking of the door as someone else arrived. Lost in his thoughts Kili hadn’t noticed the approaching clop of his mother’s heels, and now it was too late.

She gave him the kind of look only a mother could give –the kind that bore into the child’s soul, the disappointment that could strike remorse even into one who firmly held to having done nothing wrong –the kind of look that could not be met with any steadiness. “You should be resting,” she reminded him gently before her eyes turned on their guest.

“It’s almost time to go,” Kili mumbled, picking at a loose thread in the sheet.

Bilbo moved slightly as if to get between the boy and his mother. “I’m sorry, Dis, I came to check on him and—”

“He was already awake.” Her keenness to the situation had both men’s eyes averted. She couldn’t help a small smile when she held all the power in the room. “My brother’s looking for you, Bilbo.”

Whether or not it was true –granted, it probably was— it was enough reason to get Bilbo back out into the hall. He gave his fiancé’s nephew a sympathetic glance on his way out.

Kili still couldn’t look at his mother, but she wasn’t angry. She understood, if not from experience, how listless he was waiting in here for Fili to come home. But she couldn’t ignore her son’s health concerns even for a day, whatever day it was. “How are you feeling?” she asked calmly, hoping for an honest answer.

He felt almost too guilty not to give her one. “Just a little tired,” he admitted. “Not feeling faint like this morning, I think I’m ready to go.”

She chuckled, “Of course you do,” and moved closer. “It won’t be like this much longer, and I’m sorry today had to be as difficult as it was. But I’ve had to play nurse as well as mother lately,” she reminded, pulling his covers back. He took this as his chance to sit up and reached over to the shelf to grab a shirt, pulling it on. He brought it down to cover the prominent vertical scars on his chest –bunched together, some longer or thicker than others, tallying up his surgeries over the years.

His ma hadn’t looked while he got more fully dressed, focusing on rolling the sheet around her arm. “Things will be better,” she continued absently as she stuffed it away, “when I can find you a new one.”

Kili frowned at that and moved to get out of bed. He slid a sock across the carpet and appreciated the feeling but focused on his mother’s words. “I thought Ettie was coming back on Tuesday?” His nurse had just been on vacation down south, and was due to return to her long-standing patient.

Dis sighed and shook her head, offering him a small smile for reassurance. “No, she’s decided otherwise. But we’ll find you a good one –a better nurse! One who won’t hog the bathroom.”

Her joking attempt to comfort him was appreciated but not otherwise well received. He’d liked Ettie. She’d been his only personal home nurse since he was thirteen and had always been good to him, always managed to please both the boy and the mother that employed her. Sure, he’d been a right brat to her sometimes, but he thought he’d been softer to her lately. He had grown to overtly appreciate her work and she leaves? He stared ahead at the wall, and didn’t question her reason, convinced himself he didn’t care.

“I’ve invited a prospective new nurse to come to the party,” his mother quipped, and helped him stand. “Sweet young thing. I’ll think you’ll like her.”

“You know her?”

“I wouldn’t invite her if I didn’t, at least a bit. She’s a former student of mine. I only had her one semester but she kept in touch, and got her certification. I trust she could do well –it’ll come down to what you think of her.”

Now steady on his feet, Kili moved to the door and peeked down the hall. Everyone was gathered in the entryway, hidden wherever they could find to hide. He glanced at the clock –nearly five— and then out the window. An unfamiliar car was approaching, but it had to be him. “He’s early.”

The change in topic brought Dis’s attention back to the party. “Of course he is. Well, come on, then, go and hide! No— go outside and meet him! He’ll want to see you first. Keep him busy a few minutes while I make sure everything and everyone are where they should be.”

He grinned and nodded, moving down the hall and heading for the door. Excitement bubbled in his chest and making it ache all over again.


	2. Chapter 2

She pulled out a purple Sharpie pen and wrote on her hand the most important rule of the day –‘PLAY NICE.’ _Shouldn’t be too hard._ Tauriel was quiet by default and kept good manners, and had finally allowed herself to be convinced the impromptu job interview with her former professor had gone well. Now the only nerves remaining were over meeting her patient for the first time, and getting along with her potential employers.

When Legolas opened his mouth it surprisingly wasn’t about the bullshit that was ink poisoning. Rather he seemed keen to remind her of everything else she probably should be worried about. “If my dad finds out you’re working here—”

“He’ll get over it.” She picked a stray thread from the sleeve hem of her shirt. A soft laugh escaped her throat as she tried to push that again to the back of her mind. “And we can worry about that when the time comes. I haven’t even taken the job yet. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” She continued to tug at the thread and Legolas took one hand off the wheel to swat at her toying fingers.

“Stop that, you’ll put a run in it,” as if she didn’t know how to take care of her clothes. She rolled her eyes but he continued. “You wanna make a good impression? I’m happy for you and if you want this job I want you to get it, so don’t give them anything to judge.”

Tauriel turned her piercing eyes on him. “Do you really want me to work here?”

He paused and shrugged one shoulder. “If you want to. But Dad’s gonna have an aneurysm or something and if you live here I’ll be left to deal with it.” He turned down the road going between two pillars. The gate was drawn aside for guests.

“And I’ll be eternally grateful.” She laughed a little and stared out the window. They were coming onto the manor now, the forest opening up to a field and a stream not far ahead. Tauriel tried to be blown away by the majesty of the home itself, but growing up as she did it was difficult to really appreciate in full. _I’ve seen bigger_ , she thought absently, and scolded herself for it.

Her friend sighed heavily and continued driving on. “So say you do take the job. You’ll be living here?”

“That’s what we discussed.”

“For how long?”

She had to think about it a moment before shrugging. “If I take the job I don’t plan on quitting. I guess I’ll be working for them as long as he needs me.” She couldn’t give much more than that; she didn’t know much else about the case yet –and even if she did, if she’d read the boy’s file already, she wasn’t at liberty to talk about it. “Don’t worry; it’s not like we won’t ever see each other. I’ll probably be let off for holidays.”

Legolas hummed and drove over the road bridge crossing the shallow stream. “There’s someone out here,” he mused as someone emerged from the mansion.

Tauriel saw him, too. Her eyes anchored onto him but she noticed very little. The closer they rolled to the house, the more her nerves bubbled in her stomach. At this point she’d done her best to ensure a good impression and had to take a deep breath to calm herself again now, letting it out with a mumbled assurance that everything would work out for the best.

The driver beside her pulled parallel to the house. The stranger out front seemed to be eyeing the white Mercedes suspiciously now. “Is that him, do you know?”

Tauriel watched the dark-haired dark-eyed teen for a moment and very slightly shrugged her shoulders. “It could be. I told you I haven’t met him but if he is he does look a bit like his mother.”

“It might be, then.” Her friend eyed the boy with more of a glint in his eyes than the other’s looking at the car, and the two of them through the tinted windows. “You sure you wanna get out?”

She laughed a little, anxiety over the situation lingering but pushing it to the back of her mind so she could see her best friend off. “I’ll text you when I need to be picked up.” Really she’d text him an hour or so before she could outstay her welcome. “I’ll let you know where things stand when you come get me.”

Legolas hummed and hugged her briefly over her shoulder. “Be safe, have fun.”

“I will, don’t worry.” And when Tauriel went to get out she kept her eyes cautiously on the stranger outside, who looked to have taken a step back. She didn’t say another word, popping the door open and stepping out.

* * *

The blessed opportunity to mingle with beautiful women kind of came with being born into wealth. The unfamiliar redhead surely wasn’t the first gorgeous woman Kili had seen, would hardly be the last, and with all the vague faces in his memory hers probably wasn’t even the most stunning. He had to admit, though, she was probably up there.

But in that moment his appreciation of her nervously smiling face and what came below it was dampened down by a greater concern of his; he couldn’t find his brother anywhere. Kili had expected to come out and be greeted by the young man he’d been dying to see since he’d left for the semester, and it hadn’t come. Disappointed, he ignored the stranger in favor of looking around her, squinting and watching the road for any new cars as the Mercedes headed out.

Tauriel narrowed her eyes, suddenly on the defense. She wasn’t always fond of attention but she didn’t like being blatantly ignored either, and knew well enough not to stand for it. “Hello,” she introduced sharply, sticking a hand out in pointed greeting. “My name’s Tauriel, what’s yours?”

And in that moment he couldn’t bring himself much to listen to a name as long as it wasn’t the name he was searching for. It was as unfamiliar as her face or her figure and though all could be appreciated in turn, now was hardly the time. “Nice to meet you,” he replied absently, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

“You didn’t answer me.” She was beginning to lose some patience, though she started to catch on that the kid’s unfriendliness seemed more out of distraction than willful deterrence. “I asked your name.”

“Kili,” he answered, and when he didn’t see another car coming, he finally met her eye. They were a brilliant hue that turned his attentions more toward her than the road behind her. “You’re here for the party?”

She nodded, smiling a bit to herself. This was indeed her former professor’s son, the one she might be placed to take care of. She already had an idea of the answer she’d give at the end of the evening, and decided to take the property in for the first and last time. “Your mother invited me.”

“Are you one of Fili’s friends?” Though surely he knew all his brothers friends, at least close friends.

Tauriel shook her head, wondering if she could string this along. “I’m just a former student of hers.”

But that set a light off in his head that she hadn’t predicted, and suddenly he became very different. He straightened to as tall as he got, still an inch or two shorter than the young woman in front of him. But the height difference didn’t matter too much as long as he could make himself look strong for his potential new nurse. It was a bit late for first impressions, but he tried to ignore how he hadn’t made a very good one. “I guess she’s told you all about me, then?”

“About you and your brother, yes.” Though honestly, Tauriel knew very little about the other son besides his name and that he was coming home from school today. “Is he here?”

“I came out to meet him first, but it wasn’t him pulling up in that car.

The awkwardness circumstance of their first meeting suddenly dawned on her. She stared down at the gravel driveway between their feet. He seemed underdressed for the occasion but she couldn’t pay much mind to that now. “Sorry to disappoint.”

Kili looked to where her eyes had turned, tilting his head a little to see why she was suddenly so averted. He noticed her shoes –“Come onto the steps, those heels on this ground must be killing your feet.”— and offered his arm for her to take. She did and he walked her up the few steps to the door.

“Thank you.” She tried to look at him properly for a moment, really examine him while his gaze was cast forward. He was pale and rather sickly looking, but nothing about him seemed to overtly suggest that he would need a nurse in the house. She shrugged a little and adjusted the hem of her skirt, and turned to look where he was looking.

And at just that moment, a green SUV could be seen rolling down the hill and across the stream bridge. Kili bounced on his heels and grinned brightly, dark eyes tracking the vehicle every foot it drove his brother closer to him. Tauriel glanced at him; his smile was contagious.


	3. Chapter 3

The windows of the SUV weren’t tinted as darkly as those of the Mercedes had been, and Kili grinned even brighter when he could make out the mess of golden hair in the passenger seat. He almost ran to the car before it had even come to a stop, but remembered the young nurse standing next to him and tried to keep himself as composed as possible. He was failing, of course.

But the young man arriving home was equally eager and had the door open before the car had to be pulled to a sudden stop. “Don’t do that!” Kili heard a laughing voice from the driver’s seat that he easily recognized –so it had been Ori who’d been talked into driving Fili from the airport; it probably hadn’t taken much persuasion. By the time Ori could be seen getting out, Fili was halfway to the steps, arms open for an overdue hug.

Kili grinned and met his brother in front of the steps, swinging his arms around him and squeezing tight, elated to be squeezed in return. He buried his face into the exposed shoulder and the olive tank top and took in the familiar sight of the painted skin, adorned with familiar designs and ones he’d never seen before. He patted his back –once to welcome him back, twice because he’d missed him— and was reluctant to let go when Fili was the first to pull back.

The two had never been at a loss for words with each other before; even if they had nothing of substance to say they’d just talk about dumb things for hours. For four months they’d sufficed with only texts between Fili’s classes and homework and Fili’s friends and work hours, and nightly video chats when they could be left alone long enough for it. For exams had left those very sparse for the last few weeks and still they felt they had so much catching up to do they didn’t know where to begin.

Finally Fili broke the silence –“Did you get taller? You look taller.”

Kili laughed and shook his head but fixed his posture anyway. “I think you’ve gotten shorter, actually. And more inked.” He took a moment to admire the new artwork painted on his brother’s skin. “Done at the shop?”

“Yeah, here’s the most recent.” He showed off his forearm, decorated with a dragon wrapping around his arm near his wrist in three coils. Kili winced and noted that that must’ve hurt. “Not as much as you might think.”

“Prove it,” the younger challenged, eyeing him in a familiar way that asked his brother to give him one, too.

“As soon as we come up with a design and Ma won’t kill you for it.” He laughed and glanced over the teen’s shoulder to the pretty young woman standing in the front door. He nodded a greeting to her with a friendly smile that she almost managed to return. “You must be Tauriel. Ma told me you were coming.” He stepped around Kili and reached out a hand to shake; she took it in a way that he might kiss her fingers like she’d known men to do. But he didn’t –he awkwardly shook the hand she offered and returned it behind his back. “Did you two get acquainted yet?”

Kili didn’t meet his brother’s gaze, staring down and ahead of him. So Fili knew who she was as well as he did. “I gave a rather rude introduction,” he reluctantly admitted. “I was too busy waiting for you.” He sighed and turned to Tauriel. “I owe you an apology.”

She smirked a little, ignoring the blush dusting his cheeks. “If you owe me an apology, go ahead and offer one.”

He was taken aback by her response. Usually the admission of being at fault should be apology enough, but this young woman didn’t seem to accept it. He was going to actually say it. “I’m… sorry.”

She nodded and didn’t grant him a grateful smile for his efforts. It shouldn’t have been such a shock to him that he might need to say he was sorry for the awkwardness of their greeting. “Apology accepted.”

The three of them –four when Ori had parked the car in a proper place— stood in a sort of circle in front of the house for a long moment. Fili moved closer to Kili and whispered a reminder to be nice, that this woman would be there in case there were any more emergencies and he should appreciate her attentiveness. Kili narrowed his eyes –she hadn’t even signed on for it yet.

“Shouldn’t we get inside?” Tauriel suggested, keeping a steady gaze on Kili. “Everyone must be eagerly awaiting your brother’s return.”

Fili laughed about being right there but Kili agreed and headed up the stairs.

When he opened the door and everyone jumped out from hiding and yelled their greeting in unison, he was hit first with the wave and was just as surprised by the surprise as Fili was. While everyone crowded the small group coming inside, trying to welcome Fili home, Kili had to take a minute aside to settle himself.

This didn’t escape the eye Tauriel had fixed on him, and she was as polite as possible in elbowing her way through the crowd to get to the teen sitting in the corner. Seating had been moved from the grand entrance but it was as far as Kili could allow himself to go, even if it meant sitting on the floor while he recovered from the shock.

Tauriel smoothed out her long plaid skirt and sat down beside him. She didn’t say anything, letting him take the time he needed to catch his breath, making detailed mental notes on how he handled himself. At length she did speak to him, very gently. “Do you need a glass of water?”

He shook his head a little, trying to make off like he was fine but not feeling alright to give a verbal response yet. He looked at her; why a classy and headstrong young woman had left the party to sit with him on the floor in the corner was something he couldn’t quite understand. She seemed to catch that in his stare.

“I’m a nurse first, Kili; socialite second.” She smiled a little but it couldn’t reach her eyes that watched him so carefully. Hands hidden in her lap, she was counting how long it was taking him to calm down from the surprise. When she’d counted to sixty she grew concerned, because little improvement had been made. She knew little of the specifics of his condition and could do very little for him without more information, information she wouldn’t ask of him in such a state. “Do you want me to go get your mother?”

“No, I’m fine.” His chest was on fire but he was managing to get air in around it now. The pendant around his neck went untouched, hidden and secure against his scars. Even with her assurance of commitment to her work, it was strange that she’d ruin such a pretty outfit down on the floor. He wished for a moment she hadn’t joined him, but he did appreciate her attentiveness. Maybe his mother was right as ever –maybe she’d be a good match for him.

It was a relief to hear him answer, and in a stronger voice than she’d expected, though it was also a very obvious lie. But she smiled at him again. “Are you ready to rejoin in the fun?”

He nodded and watched her as she stood up. The chandelier shined above her head and illuminated his auburn hair in a halo, and from his spot on the floor Kili thought he really might be encountering an angel, before the sensible part of him chased the thought away as silly and brought on my low oxygen in his blood, pumped by a failing heart. When she reached out a hand to help him up he took it, silent and grateful, and got to his feet. Her touch was soft and he almost didn’t want to let go as she led him back to the chattering crowd of partygoers. He kept his eyes on the back of her head, no longer wrapped in gold, but radiating the same beauty. He decided then, _yes, I want her to stay, and not just for tonight._ He could only hope she’d reach the same conclusion.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the 4th of 11 parts I have written so far and am starting to post here. I will post more chapters (up through 11) as I see fit given the reader response ^-^

He was an adult. If he really wanted to get a tattoo just for the sake of decorating his pasty skin then he would. But he wanted Fili to do it and Fili was hard pressed to give the little brother a tattoo without their mother’s approval. So Kili could only watch on with a slight twinge of jealousy as his brother showed off his newer flesh art and some additions to his own portfolio. He was praised by everyone for his impeccably symmetrical geometric designs and his brilliantly flowing watercolors, and Kili just wanted them all etched into his own skin. The only thing standing in his way was his mother’s disapproval, and that bridge didn’t seem like it would be open for crossing anytime soon.

“Just a tiny one,” he protested without much energy left to fight it. They’d gone through this a thousand times over and the strong-willed woman never budged on the matter. “I’ll have it where no one will even see it?” He felt his brothers glance from beside him and had to smirk a little; he knew Fili had done groin tattoos and it would be a cold day in hell before he’d give him one –or Kili would want one, for that matter. But the placement of a potential ink job wasn’t the issue and he knew it. When his mother reminded him sternly that even a small one in a covered zone could easily get infected, he could almost mouth her words along with her (he wouldn’t, out of respect.) And so for what felt like the hundredth time since Kili had turned eighteen, she brought the argument to a screeching halt with a set refusal.

Dis moved steadily down the banquet table, stopping occasionally to scoop some beef and potatoes and salad onto a plate, the younger of her sons dragging his feet as he trailed behind her. She handed the glass dish off to him and started building upon another. “Go sit with Tauriel,” she said with a small smile, glancing pointedly toward the young woman in the corner who stood eyeing her Kili. “Get to know each other a little better. I have a good feeling about her.”

Kili took both plates from her and moved across the dining room, chatting with friends and relatives he had to squeeze his way past; the room was overly crowded with eaters and even Kili had trouble pushing his thin body between them. When he did reach Tauriel and offered her a plate and a warm smile, he found there was nowhere for them to sit down. He hummed, thinking over their options and deciding he didn’t want to eat standing and didn’t want to make her do so, either. “How about you and I head outside?”

She seemed keen on the idea but only answered with a slight nod and a look that asked him to lead the way. Kili almost reached to pull her by the hand but kept to himself, directing her between his family and friends talking away, the two moving silently through and into the grand entrance.

Tauriel went for the front door, but Kili made a noise to catch her attention, and clarified what he’d meant. “Come on upstairs, there’s nowhere to eat out front. We’ll go to the back porch.” And without another word he started up the regal staircase, expecting her to follow behind. She did, taking his lead, trusting he would not disappoint.

Kili led her up to the third floor and to the back of the home, holding the door open for her like a real gentleman (which she either quietly appreciated or was indifferent to, he couldn’t tell.) The balcony porch was covered and bordered by intricate fence design, and overlooked a large expanse of fields and woodlands. She hadn’t been very impressed with the grandeur of the home, though it was lovely and oddly cozy for such a large house –though that was maybe the people inside— but the land surrounding it was something different. She set her food down on the top of the fence and moved to the western end of the balcony to watch the sun setting on the horizon. All around her was more land, with the shadow of the mountainous hills looming on the other side of the house.

Kili came up beside her, but his eyes were set on a much brighter sight than the forest and the meadows and the sunset he knew so well –there was something here much more novel and more radiant to take in, but he told himself it was the glow of the sun that was reflecting off her fair skin.

“Is all this yours? I mean –your family’s?” she asked eventually when he breath returned to her. He gave a small chuckle at just how blown away she seemed by it all. Surely someone raised in the same luxury as himself couldn’t be quite so surprised by this.

“Most of it.” He wanted to ask her to come and sit with him so they could eat –the food would get cold and more was so far away— but he couldn’t drag her away from so intently watching a sunset. He told himself it would go down completely soon and the food wouldn’t be too cold for them to eat in the dim glow of dusk. He gestured out to the southern property. “Prime for exploring and hunting, if you’re into that,” he added with a shrug.

“You hunt?”

“A little. Ma makes us eat anything we kill, and I personally won’t shoot female animals and especially not baby ones. Adult males only.”

She smirked a little and studied her hands. Her silver feather bracelet glinted in the lowering sun. At least he had some respectability when it came to a not so savory hobby.

“I’m surprised she lets me out there at all.”

“But she does let you?”

“With a chaperone. But Ettie never wanted to go, always complained about how her feet were sore.”

She hummed an acknowledgement and thought it over. Kili was starting to seem much more polite in her understanding than he’d been when they first met. She knew all too well that first impressions could often prove false, and came to warm up to the idea that they had simply gotten off to a rocky start. It wouldn’t be fair to leave him in the care of someone else when she could promise herself to keep a watchful eye on him (and maybe she didn’t want anyone so close to the young man standing next to her.) She snuck a glance in his direction and felt her cheeks warm. Yes, she would reconsider her decision she’d made earlier –she would give the potential job another chance.

Once the sun had dipped below the horizon, the two of them settled in velvet cushioned chairs at a small glass table, setting their plates of food down on either side of an ashtray. The food looked delicious and tasted even better, and she ate as quickly as she did delicately. Kili smiled and watched her a little, eating his own food much more slowly but with less refinement. “Thought only my own family ate so quickly,” he mused, pushing the potatoes around on the dish. If they were to go back down for seconds, there’d be nothing but maybe a piece of bread for each of them.

Tauriel swallowed and stared at him a moment, deciding whether or not to take offense to his observation.

“You’ll fit right in.”

She blushed a second time, reddish pride peppered with guilt rising to her face. She thought a moment of Thranduil and wondered what he might think if he knew she was here –it didn’t take much wondering; she knew. She did ponder, though, which would blow a bigger fuse and cause the most outrage among him and the rest of her circle: that she was a potential new employee of the Durin clan, that she would be living among them, or that she was oddly taken with the nephew of her godfather’s most vehement business rival?

“Are you finished?” Tauriel was brought from her thoughts of shame down to her plate, now empty. She nodded slowly before she realized Kili had not finished his own meal yet, but he stood and took both with a small smile in her direction. “Come on, let’s rejoin the party.” He nudged the door open with his hip, both hands occupied, and held it open for her to go first. This time he could make out the gratitude and some happiness in her smile, and he smiled brighter himself, following behind her.


	5. Chapter 5

Dis was standing at the bottom of the stairs when they came down, her guilt over abandoning her guests itself abandoned when she saw the bright smile and her son’s face and the more subtle on his potential nurse’s lips. “Did you enjoy the food, Tauriel?”

“I did, thank you.” She bowed her head a little to the matriarch of the household and went to carry on her way into the liveliness of the living room. She thought she could easily stay on the sidelines, maybe with her companion beside her, and watch the fun quietly as to enjoy it in her own way. But she wouldn’t keep Kili from more energized company as long as he was feeling up to it, so she planned to spend the rest of her evening quietly watching –others, but mostly him.

But Dis didn’t allow her to slip away so easily. “Can I speak with you?” she asked in as chipper a voice as she could. She herded her son into the living room, telling him to go catch up with his brother. He didn’t protest, and gave Tauriel one more small smile before disappearing around the corner. The women were left to their own in front of the staircase.

Tauriel was first to break the silence with her curiosity. “You wished to speak with me?”

The mother –absolutely a mother— was looking her up and down, as if evaluating the young woman she’d once known as a student. “I trust you’re still the same fine girl I had in my biology class.”

Tauriel nodded –she had no reason to believe otherwise and wouldn’t confirm any suspicion her former professor might have about her. “I think so, ma’am.”

She chuckled warmly and insisted they be on a first-name basis, now that Tauriel was out of school and coming into her own career. “I’m glad I picked you up so early, though Ettie’s departure from us was really very sudden.” She shook her head, glaring into space. “She never gave a reason.”

“I’m sorry.” She suspected that the patient might’ve been the reason for her resignation, though she could only guess exactly what he’d done.

“My son is a good… happy boy, Tauriel. And if he’s ever difficult do keep in mind what’s he’s been through. I’m not saying it excuses anything –he can be a handful, I won’t lie— but do keep that in mind. You’re a bright girl, I trust you’ll keep everything in perspective.”

Tauriel thanked her for her confidence and wanted to reassure her, but it wasn’t difficult to except where the blame lay in his behavior when she knew very little of what he’d been through that his mother was referring to.

Dis seemed to sense the issue. “Follow me?”

She led the girl up to the second floor and down the hall, turning into her home office. She sat behind the desk and encouraged Tauriel to sit across from her while she looked through a pile of documents piled next to the computer. Tauriel smoothed the skirt under her thighs and took her seat, waiting patiently.

“Ah, here we are…” the professor hummed, pulling a thin manila envelope from the pile and handing it across the desk to the young nurse. “His medical file. I spent three hours with his cardiologist last night making sure I only gave you the crucial information. When I brought Ettie in –five years ago, now— I gave her far too much. She later said she had a hard time distinguishing what was relevant, and had so much information that she couldn’t pick out what was needed when she needed it for him.”

Tauriel nodded and thanked her, holding it in her lap. “I’ll study it when I go home tonight. I wouldn’t want to be distracted from such a lovely party by looking into Kili’s medical history.” She couldn’t bring herself to look into such seemingly intimate details with him so nearby; she would stay up tonight in her bedroom with a cup of coffee and the file laid out on her desk in front of her. She’d memorize every detail if she was to take this position.

Dis nodded with a small, satisfied smile and leaned back in her desk chair. “I’m glad to hear it. I hope that means you’re considering taking the job?” She nodded and the affirmation widened the older woman’s smile, bringing more relief to the satisfaction. “We haven’t discussed the details of your employment, but I suppose I should tell you now.” She leaned forward, hands folded on her desk. “My brother will be writing your checks, $1000 a week. You’ll have a room for yourself and you’ll have to keep your area tidy and clean up after yourself in the rest of the house –we only bring a cleaner in once a week. Food and other necessities will be provided to you free of charge. If you ever go on any medication, let me know, I’ll work it out with my brother. Have you met him?”

“No, I haven’t had the chance.”

She smiled again, a little brighter. “Wonderful man. He’s getting married in October or November. Took him long enough. I think you’ll like him –he’s uneasy warming up to strangers, and is rather gruff with them unless he’s doing business –but this business you’ll be doing is different. More personal, if not directly.”

“Prof— Dis,” she caught herself on the formalities she’d already been insisted to abandon. “What exactly would my job be?” She worded the question carefully to appear very open to the offer but not too eager to accept.

The woman across from her sat back in her chair again, folded hands moving to her lap. The ruckus of the party could be heard below them in that long moment of silence, and Tauriel couldn’t understand why the answer was taking so long to receive. She hadn’t asked anything complex or troubling; she wanted to know what she would be getting paid for.

“That’s sort of a loaded question, and I should’ve prepared a better answer for you. Essentially your job is to just… be around him. Make sure he’s alright.”

But Tauriel didn’t buy that she’d be willing to throw a thousand dollars and more a week if this wasn’t something crucial –possibly something she wasn’t prepared to tackle. “Why does he need to be watched?”

Dis sighed heavily and watched a pen roll a little on her desk. Her eyes had a sadness in them that almost made Tauriel wish she hadn’t asked. She should be able to learn everything from the file, and kicked herself for forcing a mother to speak so candidly about her ailing child. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—”

“No, no, you’re alright. I’m… glad you asked, really. Ettie never did, and so I never had to talk about it. But it’s been five years and it’s time I did.”

But silence hung in the air around them for a minute longer while Dis searched the shelves behind her. Tauriel watched cautiously as the stout woman’s fingers came to a book tucked away at the end of a low shelf –“I haven’t look in so long, I thought I’d misplaced it”— and sat back down to open it on the desk. The girl didn’t make a sound while the older woman flipped through pages of what was evidently a photo album. Tauriel caught brief glimpses of wedding pictures, an excess of snapshots of a little blond baby, vacation photos –all of which she’d like to look at in much more detail, if given permission. But now the pages finally stopped turning and Dis pulled one out of the slot to hand to her. “That’s the last photo of my husband –before he died.”

Tauriel held the photo very carefully in her fingers, worried to somehow desecrate the photo if she held it the wrong way. The man in the photo was smiling, sitting on a blanket in the grass. A lens flare from the sunlight partially obscured his face but she could make him out well enough. He looked like the kind of man who was always smiling brightly, and that he had been strong and rugged at one point –but in that moment he looked withered, rather frail, despite his glowing grin. At the very edge of the shot an oxygen tank was visible.

“His smoking was always a serious problem,” Dis admitted solemnly, “though I never thought it would become _that_ kind of issue. When we were young I didn’t mind –I struggled to quit myself when I was pregnant the first time around. But he never did, he never could; I told him it would make baby Fili sick and he’d go outside to smoke but he never stopped. I didn’t want that riff between us, so eventually I gave in and let him smoke in our bedroom –but only our bedroom— again… even when I was pregnant with Kili.”

She had to pause a moment to wipe at her eyes, lamenting the nineteen-year-old mistake still. “My obstetrician said it might’ve been because of the secondhand smoke that he was born so early –at barely thirty-five weeks. It’s amazing he was as strong as he was then but the damage was done and it couldn’t be fixed –and we’ve tried, we’ve tried.”

Tauriel put the pieces together and would add more details to the story on her own when she went and studied the pieces of his medical file.

“After that my husband did put real concerted effort into quitting, but it never lasted more than a few months and it would be weeks longer until he could quit again. I don’t know why it was so difficult for him; I saw him trying so hard and I prayed that he could end the nicotine addiction for his sons’ sake when he was desperately wanted to. But then, about ten or so years ago, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. And it was a rough time for everyone up until he died about four years later.”

Tauriel passed the photo back to her, and Dis put it away without looking at it. She closed the album and set it aside.

“I’m sorry. None of this has really answered your question. Where were we?”

“I… asked why Kili needs an attentive nurse. You’re right –he still seems strong, from what I’ve seen. I’m sure that’s in no small way your doing.” Dis gave her a sad smile. “But so why does he –why do you need me?”

She sighed again, breath shaking from her throat. “That’s why I told you about my husband, I just should’ve been more succinct about it. When he died it was difficult on everyone –he was such an incredible man, really, everyone we knew was mourning that whole week of the funeral. I of course was focused on how my boys were handling the loss of their father. I could see both of them were trying to stay strong, I later learned for my sake. But I’d never considered the damage the emotional toll could inflict on their physical health. Neither would eat, neither could sleep –and I was too lost in my grief to even notice when they both became sick from it.

“Well… about two weeks after his passing, born of them were still incredibly drained and sickly but Fili started to take back up on the big brother role he plays so well, and insisted the two of them get out of the house. When they came to me to say they’d be outside playing some basketball –Fili was fourteen, Kili was twelve, both absolutely old enough to just play outside for a bit while I caught up on grading exams. They were right down there, outside this window.”

She looked pointedly, as if suggesting Tauriel take a look herself. She did, and it was dark now, but she could see the small concrete court with a basketball hoop. When she looked back Dis had gone a bit pale, but continued the anecdote.

“After maybe an hour or so I heard shouting, so I went to the window to see what they were up to. I— Kili was on the ground raggedly gasping for air that didn’t suffice; Fili had his phone to his ear and his voice was frantic talking to the emergency operator. I panicked –I ran down as fast as I could.” She squeezed her eyes shut and paused a moment. “By the time I got there my son needed to be resuscitated. The ambulance was on its way but it took twenty minutes to arrive: twenty horrible minutes and another twenty to get him to the hospital, but at least the paramedics could help him better than I could.”

The story was a lot to take in, and though no direct answer had ever been offered, Tauriel could definitely put it together herself. “So that’s why…”

Dis nodded stiffly. “He’d had problems with his heart since he was a baby; that was just the defect he was born with. Even when it took its first bad turn when he was five, and needed hospitalization for the first time since the weeks following his birth, it hadn’t been that bad –nothing we couldn’t handle without real medical help. But the condition, exacerbated by grief and the illness it caused, and the physical exertion of the game added up to the first time he went into cardiac arrest. And it wasn’t the last.”

Tauriel nodded in understanding.

Dis changed the subject just a bit, to give a better air of optimism. “He hasn’t been as well as before that incident since, but he’s much better now than he was the first year or two following. He keeps an emergency button on a pendant that he wears around his neck at all times; I don’t know if you saw it, he keeps it hidden.” She smiled fondly. “He knows the difference between what can and can’t be handled on his own, and most of what he encounters he overcomes just fine without much assistance. Still, though, as his mother I have to worry. He tells me when he’s not feeling well –I’d say about two-thirds of the time without having to interrogate— and that’s when I send him to –well, he’ll show you. I’ll have more information on all that…” She looked at her calendar. “On Friday, if you take the position.”

Friday was almost a week away, but Tauriel thought she might have an answer ready now, after all she’d heard and what she knew from spending some time with the teen himself. “Can I give you an answer now?”


	6. Chapter 6

They’d been engaged for seven months already; Bilbo still showed off the diamond-studded silver band to anyone who’d give him a moment of attention. “The perks of marrying a jewelry tycoon,” he mused, all but sitting in Thorin’s lap in the living room. The party crowd had started to dissipate throughout the property and the noise of the raucous group had settled.

Now it was Thorin and his affectionate companion, and their three pooled nephews, gathered in the cushioned alcove wrapping the living room. They sat at the left end, closest to the television playing reruns of cartoons from the boys’ childhood. Frodo was nearby them, knees pulled to his chest and eating a small party plate of chocolate candies. (“Don’t eat too much, you’ll get a stomachache.”) Kili was leaning against the arm of the long sofa at the other end, slumped a bit and legs crossed over his brother’s lap; Fili was checking marking a schedule for the upcoming week.

Thorin eyed him warily. Rubbing his fiancé’s back absently, he started up a conversation with the older of his two nephews regarding him returning to work at Arkenstone, shadowing him and really learning the business like he hadn’t in the past. “Nice bonding time, too,” he added offhand, reaching to sneak a treat off Frodo’s plate.

Fili was evidently half listening while he worked out his appointments. He bit his tongue in concentration, looking over the make up of the next two weeks or so. “You want me to go to work with you? Okay, well –I’m free Tuesdays and Wednesdays during the week, but other than that I’ll have my own clientele to manage.”

Thorin nodded stiffly. He didn’t exactly like Fili’s working at the tattoo parlor in Dale, worried he’d run in with the wrong sort of crowd, but Fili had a good head on his shoulders and would know trouble before he got pulled into it. And his current job, mostly self-managed, was work experience that the boy –whom Thorin would need to start thinking of as a man, in facrt— seemed dedicated to. He possessed a good work ethic and business conscience that would do him well when he took on the jewelry corporation woven into his heritage as well as his future. Still, he needed him to get that experience firsthand: “Tuesdays and Wednesdays will be fine.”

Kili had the same Koosh ball from his time in the Kwiet Room earlier, convinced of the lie that he’d remember to bring it back and wouldn’t have to be bored next time without it. He tossed it up in the air above his head, and it just brushed the ceiling before careening back down into the awaiting palm.

He fell into that repetitive pattern as he thought about everything at once. Most immediately he thought of how spring was rolling out into summer, the hotter months drawing closer and closer as they approached the end of May. Graduation day would be upon him before he knew it –he’d go and sit in the aisle with weeping mothers and bored little siblings, zone out for the first hour or so but perk up immediately when a friend’s name was called, and he’d applaud their accomplishment as proudly as anyone might. But he wouldn’t be graduating himself. He would end his school career in worse seclusion, even if the biggest party might be thrown to celebrate him and make up for how he couldn’t go through it with his peers. And his friends would all leave for college; of their own interest or with their parents’ expectations looming over, it didn’t matter, they’d all be going.

The summer would be better, he supposed, even if just like every summer he’d ever known –full of missed opportunities of trips with friends to the beach or the mountains or some tropical getaway because he couldn’t be trusted to them, and he couldn’t be trusted to himself. Even if he knew his body inside and out, Dis would never let him go without a second opinion, and the opinion was never in his favor. He’d be satisfied and even enjoy going away with his family, but in between trips he’d be cooped up at home while his friends spent their last summer before college having the times of their lives.

And when the summer ended, he’d be more alone than ever. Fili would go back to school; all his friends, most painfully including Ori, would leave for much the same. He’d have to wait until the holidays or next summer to see them –or maybe never again. The uncertainty of these relationships lasting was always the most nauseating.

“Do you like the ring? Thorin says he sent it back for alterations six times before he’d even dare to put it on my finger. I mean, I would’ve been satisfied with any ring, to be honest, but that’s not enough for a brilliant man of such refined tastes.” He could hear the smile on Bilbo’s lips and the blush on his cheeks.

“Yes, Bilbo, it’s lovely.”

“Well, you’ve seen it!” the man chuckled, adjusting the silver band and leaning into the taller man beside him.

Kili looked over and slowly came to the realization that what had been said was not aimed at him. His face burned and he wished to retreat back into his vacuum of time where everything else could be blocked out of his bubble. But a strong hand patting his knee convinced him otherwise.

“You alright, little bro?” Fili asked, watching the teen with concern.

“I’m fine. Just spaced out for a second, I’m alright.”

Fili winced and patted his knee again before returning to his work. Kili tipped his head back to hang just over the arm of the couch; he’d have a crick in his neck tonight but that was one concern for the future he wasn’t going to bother himself with. He heard Bilbo start softly bombarding Thorin with ideas for the wedding –less than six months before they were due to be married, now.  The longer the onesided conversation continued, the easier it was to let it blend into the background, and Kili refocused his energies on keeping his breathing deep and even. He hadn’t been lying –he felt just fine— but it was a calming little exercise he engaged in often.

“I don’t need to be locked up,” he mumbled to himself, not for the first time but the first time aloud, and with family nearby to boot. A small smile came to his chapped lips when no one seemed to notice. “I’m alright just like this.”

His moment of peace was interrupted by an approaching rhythm of footsteps: that which he’d memorized as his mother’s. He didn’t open his eyes to greet her. “Hi, Ma.”

Dis bent down to kiss his head and greeted him in return, running a hand over his fine curls before seating herself between her sons and young Frodo. She gave a little attention to the child; she was very fond of the ten-year-old and looked forward to the day of her brother’s wedding, when Bilbo and Frodo would be moving into the mansion. “Your room will be set up by the end of the wedding,” she assured. “I have a shelf built for you to fill with books. While your uncles are away on their honeymoon we’ll go to the bookstore and buy you a ton of new stories to read.”

Frodo grinned at the offer and thanked her in his own little hybrid of the polite way Uncle Bilbo had taught him to, combined with the insistence of familiarity that Dis had tried to instill herself. She’d known the boy since he was three years old and wished he would call her Auntie Dis like he called her brother Uncle Thorin. Some more time and the wedding and new living arrangements would hopefully have some influence on how he spoke to her. She’d rather like to be an auntie.

But when Frodo was satisfied and otherwise occupied again, she turned to her son to address what she’d come for. “Tauriel’s taking the job.”

Kili opened his eyes suddenly to the brightness of the ceiling lamp, and sat up. His neck was already sore and he rubbed at it distractedly while he took in what had been said. “She’s gonna be my new nurse?”

Dis couldn’t overtly disguise her excitement at the news she’d known for about half an hour already. “Everything’s worked out. She’ll be moving in Thursday night and will start her work on Friday.” She grinned brightly in hope that the teen would return it.

When he gave no immediate reaction, she looked to Fili for his own response to the news. He hadn’t been paying much attention to the conversation between his mother and brother, still busy with his schedule arrangement and working out what clients he might have to call to rearrange the time table. But he smiled nonetheless at what he made out, relieved and happy for his little brother in equal parts. “She seems like a really nice girl, I’m sure it’ll be great to have her here.”

Kili had still given nothing but a vague nod and slight but tentative smile. He didn’t know whether he was elated or embarrassed at the situation. Fili was right: it would be great to have Tauriel here –but surely a pretty and bright young woman like her had better things to do than sit around with him all day. Even if she’d been telling the truth when she implied her work was her number-one priority, surely she had more brilliant things awaiting her than the sick Durin kid.

“Aren’t you excited?”

Explicitly prompted, he couldn’t continue in stark silence. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.” And the more he repeated it to himself, the more he believed it. “Is she still here?” He’d really like to speak with her again like they had on the balcony.

Dis winced slightly. “Her ride came early and she couldn’t leave him waiting –I think there was some kind of situation she needed to attend to sooner rather than later.” She reached out and touched his shoulder. “But she left her number for me to give to you. She said you can text her if you’d like.”

He nodded and swung his legs off his brother’s lap, setting his feet down on the plush floor to stand, a little too eagerly.

“Slow down,” his mother warned, putting out a hand to steady him. “Don’t make yourself dizzy.”

“I’m fine, Ma,” he insisted, shifting from one leg to the other and ignoring the brief moment when he came to full height and his head did spin. “That number?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the last chapter seemed comparatively short it's because it was oops -_- Everything before the first bar in this chapter was actually supposed to come at the end of the last one. Sorry! x

“Next time you tell my dad you’re at a friend’s house, arrange at least something with that friend so this doesn’t happen again.”

Tauriel was in no mood for a scolding, especially not from Legolas. She did feel a pang of guilt that he’d spent more time in the last few hours driving her than anything else, and that they still wouldn’t be home until after supper was over at the Woods mansion. But her lack of foresight was not deserving of such an irritable preaching, and it was because of his attitude that the conversation was silent on her end.

“He has no business trying to drag me home like this; I’m a grown woman, I can take care of myself and should be allowed to make my own decisions about where I spend a Sunday night.”

“Thranduil doesn’t see it that way and you know it. As long as you’re living out of his checkbook, he likes to hold complete authority whether or not you’re an adult.”

“Then you can tell him that he can’t have that control over me anymore. By the end of the week I’ll be living where my work is requested, and he doesn’t have to pay anything for me from my clothes to my food to my phone bill.”

Legolas was taken aback and almost missed a stop sign. “So you’re taken the job?”

She nodded curtly, head held high. “I have.”

There was a long moment of silence before her companion grunted quietly. “Tell him yourself, then.”

“No. If he wishes to treat me like this I want nothing to do with him tonight. And unless he’s willing to apologize—”

“Which he isn’t.”

“Then we’ll just part on bad terms.”

The rest of the drive was enveloped in a bitter silence, neither of the car’s occupants willing to give in to the other’s strong-headedness at the expense of their own. When they returned and Legolas pulled the polished Mercedes into the large garage, Tauriel couldn’t bring herself to say a word to him. Something in her wished to apologize, to thank him more genuinely for driving her around without a breath of her whereabouts to his father –but she couldn’t. A larger part of her felt wronged in the way he’d spoken to her, and his willingness to hold the tight leash Thranduil had on her.

But still, the largest bit of her heart cared for Legolas much like she might a blood sibling, and she remembered with a pang of guilt that he was struggling to remain a neutral party it what might have seemed like a betrayal on her part –not fraternizing, but employment by the enemy.

As she headed up to her room, unseen except by the staff, she promised herself that she would not leave on bad terms with her friend, whatever the circumstances with his father might be.

Tauriel slept with her phone next to her head, and on such a night as this she fell asleep rather quickly. A vibrating sensation on her pillow woke her to a blinding screen that indicated she had a text message. She squinted to check the number: no contact information to identify who might be texting her at ten at night. She checked the message for a clue.

_You took the position?_

She thought that might’ve been Dis, but she had her contact information stored already. That didn’t leave much other option. _KILI?_

She had already sent the message before she realized the caps lock had been on. Tauriel buried her reddening face into her silky pillow.

_Haha, surprised to hear from me?_

She chuckled softly to herself and typed out another reply, more carefully this time. _A little lol. Didn’t see you before I had to leave._

_I wish you could’ve stayed a bit later. My uncles are so anxious to meet you –Uncle Bilbo wants to show off his ring, so when you see him, be sure to gush over it and maybe he won’t insist on showing you again! :p_

She smiled to herself, at the message and the little emoticon that punctuated it. She imagined him actually making that face at her and a grin lit up her face in the darkness alongside the light from the screen and the renewed redness of her cheeks. _I’ll keep that in mind._

_That and I wanted to talk to you again before you left._

She hadn’t expected that, and it took her an anxious minute to reply. _About what?_

_What do you wanna talk about?_

_Nothing specific?_

_No. I just wanted to talk. Got a little sad when you left without a goodbye… lol._

She rolled her eyes halfheartedly, and wished to continue the conversation, but she was swaying in her sleepiness and didn’t want to leave him hanging if she succumbed to it. _I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. I’m really tired right now but I promise I’ll text you in the morning._

_Pinky swear?_

_Pinky swear!_

_Okay. Goodnight Tauriel :)_

_Goodnight Kili :P_

She turned her screen off and snuggled back into her pillows and blankets, no matter how warm it was in the room. Had she not been so tired, the last thought on her mind might’ve woken her up entirely and kept her up all night. Kili was her patient now, and though she would like to be friends, the way his face lit up her incoming dreams suggested something else boiling inside her.

* * *

Her new employment happily coincided with Thranduil’s going out of the country for a month to oversee the opening of a new diamond mine. When she saw him after breakfast on Monday morning, resisting the urge to rub lingering sleep from her eyes, she told him of her plans to move out. The only false information given was regarding where she would be moving to; she lied and said she’d found a nice apartment somewhere in the city, and gave no hint as to any new job she’d taken. He didn’t ask, taking Excedrin for his migraine and retreating back into his office.

She spent the remainder of that Tuesday in her bedroom, hunched over her desk and the medical file, taking color coded notes to memorize the more important details. Sometime that afternoon she rung down to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, and ten minutes later it was Legolas who brought it to her himself. She blanched at his appearance, her favorite mug gripped tightly in his hand. “Of all people I expected to bring me anything…”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” he countered firmly, but with a hint of a smile on his lips. “I wanted to talk to you, and one of the maids was bringing the cup to you –I took over so I’d have an excuse to come in.” He sat on the edge of her bed and ran a hand over the faux fur blanket. “What are you doing, closed up in here all day?”

“Studying.”

“For your new job?” She hummed an affirmative and turned to the next page. “Think you’ll enjoy it there?”

She thought a moment but didn’t look up from her papers. “I think so. My new employers are friendly toward me –at least one is, I haven’t met the head of the house yet. But the other, my former professor, is very welcoming and seems happy that I’ve taken the position.”

“And your patient?” he asked, with a tone that suggested it was what he’d actually meant to be asking. Legolas hadn’t heard directly about it but he had a visceral suspicion that the young man he’d stared down in front of the house might have been him.

“Oh –Kili. He’s much nicer than I thought he was at first. We got to actually talking and once the awkwardness was rid of, we got along really well.” She’d been meaning to text him after she’d fallen asleep on him last night, but kind of wanted to see if he’d text first. She almost scolded herself for her petty aversion but Legolas broke through the pause again, not letting a moment go wasted.

“So you’ll be moving there?” He was still wary of the situation and was hoping she’d somehow say no.

“I’m leaving Thursday night to start on Friday. Seven days a week but it pays well, and most expenses covered.” She smiled a little. “Like a thousand-dollar per week shopping allowance.”

He laughed. “And working so many days, when do you expect to go shopping?”

“I’ll shop online,” though she’d miss going out for days of indulgence with her friends.

“Will I need to drive you? I really don’t wanna go back over there.”

“I’m sure I can arrange something.”

“Good.” He moved to stand up but with another sideways glance at Tauriel, he couldn’t bring himself to leave just yet. “You be careful there, alright? I don’t know why someone like Thorin would want to hire someone so closely connected with my dad, but –I don’t like it, honestly. Watch your back and don’t let yourself get hurt, okay?”

“Why would I let myself get hurt? I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” She sighed quietly and looked at him; her voice softened. “I’m packing my things tomorrow, if you want to help out. I’d… really like you to. But for now, I have a lot to get done, so can I get back to work, please?”

He put his hands up in defeat and left the room, knowing he might not see her the rest of the day. The idea left a bitter taste in his mouth but he didn’t want to argue. At least he’d see her tomorrow.

It took another hour to finish jotting detailed notes into a stationary pad, and Tauriel proceeded to read through the twenty-three-page packet twice again before dinner. She excused herself early from the mostly empty table. Her hand had gravitated to her phone repeatedly through the two courses of the meal she’d been present for, awaiting some communication from anyone. Her friends knew she was going away and wished her the best of luck with forced emoticons, so she expected little if anything else from even the closest of her companions. And still she _hoped_.

She’d forgotten her concerns over Kili texting her first when, at 7:03 that same evening, he finally did.

_Sorry I’m late! lol_

A smile quirked on her mouth and she gave him one, two, three minutes before replying herself. _Thanks for making me wait! What took you so long?_

_I was at my friend’s tennis match. He shoulda won. You mad? :(_

_No! I’m not mad, I was joking._ She thought to add something at the end for good measure –her tone wasn’t coming across well without it. She decided she’d work on that, but sent the message as it was.

_Phew! Thought we got back to hating each other lol._

_I never hated you. I just considered not taking the job when you were so rude haha._

_I’m glad you changed your mind ;)_

She couldn’t help the blush that came to her cheeks but she would insistently ignore it. She couldn’t get another response in before he changed turned the subject.

_You’re coming on Friday?_

_Thursday night. I have to arrange a ride but I’ll probably be there about 11-ish._

_Don’t worry about a ride, I’ll take care of that. Where do you live?_ The address she gave was different from her actual residence but she couldn’t easily be picked up from there. A few minutes later she got a reply. _Tauriel no that’s a shopping mall. Where do you LIVE?_

_In a few days I’ll be living in the same house as you so I’m not comfortable giving out what’s gonna be more former home address. I can be picked up at the mall just as easily as anywhere –it’s like a second home anyway._

_Lol nice. Okay then, I’ll send someone to pick you up._

_Haha not gonna get me yourself?_

_I don’t drive! And even if I DID it’s still easier to get someone else to do it so I don’t have to convince my Ma to let me go on my own. (I bet she’s reading this over my shoulder oH SHIT SHE’S HERE. Lol jk)_

_You’re a dork and an ass._

_I’m a cute dork with a cuter ass ;)_

Her face went red again, now both scandalized and a little annoyed with his uncouth behavior. But rather than scold him for it she decided to just leave him hanging. She set her phone aside and picked up a book to fall asleep with.

* * *

Wednesday she spent packing, Legolas helping in the most hands on way he could bring himself to do. He’d never worked a day in his life and felt secure in never needing to –Tauriel hated but couldn’t exactly blame him for this way of thinking, and just folded her clothes and packed them into seven luggage carriers.

“You sure you’re bringing enough clothes?” her friend laughed from the corner, watching her down on her hands and knees struggling to zip up the last pack.

“I’m leaving at least half of it behind,” she huffed. “I can’t just leave all my clothes behind, I’m bringing as much as I can.”

“It might be too much. You’ll flood their tiny house with skirts alone.”

She scrunched up her face and told him to make himself useful packing her things from the bathroom. She was allowed that moment of peace before her phone vibrated in her pocket. She adjusted her bun and checked who it was –of all people, somehow the teen she’d just met three days ago was the one to contact her the most, and always taking the pressure of initiation from her. She was sort of grateful for that, for his willingness to talk to her when her other friends seemed suddenly disinterested.

_I’m sending a friend tomorrow and he’ll meet you in the Macy’s parking lot at 8 at the earliest. Can’t believe you live 3 hours away omfg._

_Haha, don’t worry, I’ll be punctual about it._

_I owe him big time so be nice! lol_

Tauriel smiled but didn’t respond, returning to her packing. There was a long virtual silence between them before she got another message from him. _What’s your favorite flavor?_

_Like… what do you mean?_

_Cupcakes, Tauriel, cupcakes. What flavor do you like?_

_Oh, uh, red velvet?_

_Cool! See you on Thursday. :)_

She was left in a slightly pleasant confusion as she rolled the comforter onto her arm and stripped the bed of pink satin sheets.

* * *

Thursday was the day she’d been dreading and anticipating most. She’d tried to arrange a final day out with her childhood friends but found most of them either had other plans or didn’t reply. Dejected, she spent most of the day moping, surrounded by her luggage in her bared bedroom. When the time came to head out, she almost called for a cab to take her and her ten bags to the mall when Legolas, to her surprise, offered to drive her there in the Hummer.

The ride was mostly silent between them up front. It wasn’t until they pulled into the parking lot of the designated pickup point that she finally said something.

“I’m gonna miss you.” He hummed a little and kept his eyes on the road. “Are you gonna miss me?”

Silently, he parked the car in front of the department store. When he turned to look at her, his cheeks were flushed and she could’ve sworn his eyes had misted over, but that couldn’t be so. “Yeah. I’m gonna miss you a lot.”

She sighed and reached across the console, hugging him tight. “I’ll text and call you, don’t worry. And don’t hesitate to do the same.”

“When have I ever hesitated about anything?” They laughed a sad laugh together and waited a while longer in silence.

At eight o’clock on the dot a van pulled up behind them. She turned in her seat to get a look at the driver, and recognized him from Sunday. “That must be my ride. Help me get my stuff?”

Between the three of them they quickly got all her things into the back of the van. Tauriel hugged Legolas one more time, pressing her face into his shoulder, before turning to the van without another glance. Legolas was back in the Hummer before she’d joined Ori in the front seat.

As they pulled away, Tauriel decided to strike up some friendly conversation. “You’re just running all over the place for them, huh?”

Ori laughed a little and drove to the far end of the parking lot to go out to the main road. They had a long drive ahead of them and it felt nice that she was willing to talk to him to pass the time. “My family’s been working for theirs a long time. I’m the sort of errand boy and in exchange I go to school on the Durins’ dime. I basically just have to do whatever they ask, but Thorin and Dis are nice and I’ve always been really good friends with Fili and Kili so I really don’t mind it.”

They talked for a while, and Tauriel did genuinely find herself interested in what the teen had to say. She learned that he didn’t get a regular pay like his guardian brother did (or she in fact would); that the money went to his private academy tuition and a hefty college fund. He didn’t have much money to spend for himself, but the Durin brothers were very generous and kind and treated him often. Along with running errands he also formed a bridge between the school and her new patient: transporting assignments and doctor’s notes and helping Kili keep up with the material at their level. And yet Ori still seemed very modest about the importance of his work for them. “I’m a convenience,” he said, “but nothing that couldn’t be replaced.”

She winced and didn’t agree, but didn’t say so.

By nearly ten they were still on the road. Tauriel had been unable to sleep that night and had been up out of bed at five in the morning; she was an early bird but that hour was taking its toll now. Ori didn’t miss when the conversation slowed, when she started to nod off. “If you wanna sleep that’s fine,” he insisted. “I can stay awake myself. Can you sleep with the radio on, though?”

Tauriel nodded; once she was tired she could sleep through anything if she allowed it. Ori turned the radio on so it blared low volume metal. She never said anything about how she didn’t sleep a wink.

* * *

 

Her energy was renewed when they rolled onto the Durin property, and she was well awake by the time the van was parked in a little corner of the garage. “Dori and I will bring your stuff in, don’t worry.” At a wave of his hand Tauriel nodded and headed through the large door into the basement, and somehow found her way up to the kitchen.

“Tauriel, there you are!”

She turned to see Dis sitting at the bar, and that the bar was ostensibly lined with cupcakes from one end to the other (single file but still.) They looked a bit sloppy the same way a young child made treats, but the little cakes looked tasty enough.

“Are they bringing your things in?” At a nod the woman continued. “Help yourself to the cupcakes, they’re actually very good.”

She sat in a cushioned chair, exhaustion slowly setting in again. She was reaching for one when the door could be heard opening in the entrance.

Dis turned her eyes on the young man who’d come in. “Where were you at this hour?” she asked, eyebrow quirked.

“Catching up with some friends.” Fili snatched a cupcake off the bar and laughed, peeling at the wrapper. “These are hideous, who made them?”

Tauriel peeled back the wrapper on her own and turned her lips into her mouth to hide her smile. She bit into the blood red cake, cream cheese frosting leaving a sweet sticky residue on her lips.


	8. Chapter 8

“Good morning.” Tauriel looked up to meet the voice that had greeted her, and was almost disappointed to see it wasn’t Kili like she’d hoped. She liked everyone she’d encountered on the manor so far (much to her own surprise), but she’d yet to see her patient. Nonetheless she gave Dis a warm smile when she joined her in the living room.

“Is the rest of the house asleep?” the young woman asked, taking a sip of her coffee. She had a magazine laid out in her lap, knees brought up on the sofa cushion next to her. She suddenly felt very self-conscious about her improper position and moved to sit up; Dis said nothing about either posture, sitting in a large armchair across from her with a cup of tea, nearly spilling in her lap as she stirred it.

“Everyone except the two of us.” She looked at the clock –six in the morning. The sun had risen and so soon would the rest of the household. Bilbo would arrive soon to drive with Thorin into the city for work; Bilbo himself worked in a publishing house down the street from the Arkenstone building. Fili might catch a ride with them and take the bus from there to the tattoo parlor. There were no cleaners scheduled to come in today; Ori would be coming after school and Frodo likely the same. She told all this to Tauriel to fill the silence in the lapse of other conversation. “And Kili won’t be awake for a few more hours.”

“That’s a shame; I didn’t see him last night.”

“You arrived rather late,” she smiled, “and he’d fallen asleep after he made all those cupcakes.”

Tauriel blushed and smirked inwardly, knowingly –they’d all been red velvet flavor, all with her in mind. She’d helped put them away in the fridge so none would go to waste last night before going to bed.

They talked for a while about anything that came up. Tauriel assured that her drive to the manor had been a pleasant one –made more so by the driver’s friendly conversation. She planned to unpack in small bits when she had the time, maybe early the next morning, since no one seemed to be awake as early as she was. She could be the only one rising before the sun, when the stars still hung over the fields and forests of Erebor. She’d have to take advantage of this some time.

“I have a class at eight this morning,” Dis sighed, standing, taking her empty cup up with her. “I’d better go get ready. If Bilbo comes and you’re still down here, just let him in, please.” She stretched a bit. “I know Kili sets his alarm for nine, and is best not woken before then. Until then you’re free to do whatever or go wherever you wish.” She smiled and patted Tauriel’s shoulder on her way past, back through the kitchen.

It happened that Tauriel was not downstairs when Bilbo had arrived; she figured someone else must have let him in. She was busy wandering, getting acquainted with her new surroundings. She avoided the hall of bedrooms at first, worried she’d run into someone who’d be cross to see her there, as if she were snooping. Her own quarters was a nicely furnished but minimally decorated room at the far end of the second floor corridor, attached to one room and across from her charge’s. She’d peaked into the room attached to hers, a white and bare room with a bed and shelf but not much else. On the door was a framed child’s drawing labelling it “The Kwiet Room.” She’d smiled and moved on.

There were so many doors she didn’t dare to open, still hesitant to make herself at home in the vast mansion. She moved up a floor, the third of four or five, and came to a familiar set of glass doors: the same she’d walked through the night of the party out onto the balcony. She allowed herself this little exploration of an already vaguely familiar overhang, stepping out into the warm air in the shadow of the roof. The view felt no less magnificent than the first time she’d seen it, even if the then setting sun was now high enough in the sky to not cast pinks and purples on the blue expanse of the sky. The meadows were as green and the woodlands as lush as she’d remembered them, and she resolved to explore them at the first opportunity.

She hadn’t been keeping track of the time she spent out there, and hadn’t noticed how late in the morning it had become until she received a text message. _Where are you?,_ sent at 9:27.

Her heart leapt to her throat. Her first day on the job and already she was late to her duties. She stood and nearly tripped over the edge of the glass door, but was immediately met by a familiar face.

“I thought I might find you here,” the teen grinned, stepping around her to where she’d just been. He moved to the ornate fence that separated his leaning form from a three-story fall. “Enjoying the view?”

She’d hesitantly come to join him at the wooden rail, and looked between him and the landscape laid out before them. “Very much,” she sighed. “I… I’m sorry I wasn’t there first thing when you woke up, I—”

“Never apologize for something like that.” He laughed and added, “I think I would’ve been more concerned if I woke up and you were sitting there watching me.”

She blushed bright red in the tilted angle of the sun. “I wouldn’t have been watching you.”

“That would be a pleasant change, then. You should’ve seen Ettie, always hovering over me –and not in the way Ma does, Ettie watched me to make sure I didn’t do anything that might put her job in jeopardy. I wasn’t allowed to do _anything_ , I swear. I hope you’re not like that –you seem like a bit more fun.” He turned a bit and winked at her, and Tauriel turned away entirely. “Hey, I didn’t mean—”

She chuckled softly. “I know what you meant. Don’t worry; I won’t keep you cooped up. As long as you’re alright, I don’t think I have much to dictate over you.”

“That’s a relief.” And the way he said it, it definitely sounded genuine. “So, say I wanted to go out with some friends…”

“I’m not in a position to permit you trips off of the manor; that’s still up to your mother.”

“I’m eighteen, though,” he grumbled, growing frustrated.

She didn’t know how to respond. If he was eighteen then the choice was evidently up to him, and it would be on him to deal with the consequences; but she’d been hired to manage his well-being where he couldn’t, and though she’d heard of (and believed) his independent nature, she was uncertain about giving him leave to go out without her. “For the sake of your health and your mother’s nerves, if you’re going anywhere off the grounds then I won’t stop you, but insist I go with you.”

He glared at her a moment –looking her over, sizing her up— and didn’t say anything for or against the idea. He said nothing at all as he walked past her, and for a moment Tauriel thought he might be best left alone, until, “You coming?”

She followed him down four flights of stairs into a recreation room in the basement. Kili sat in front of a large flatscreen television with a Wii remote and started playing Mario Kart. Tauriel felt a bit lost for a moment before sitting down beside him. It was only then she realized she was still in her pyjamas, but couldn’t be bothered to go shower and change, or leave him alone while she did.

“This is your job,” he explained absently, a smirk coming to his lips. “You literally just watch me all day.”

“So I’ve heard.” She couldn’t help but smile a little herself. “But that’s not really it, is it?”

“Pretty much.” He got the game started and was silent for the three laps of the first race. He hit the pause button, and seemed to gather his thoughts even engrossed in the game. “Here’s what you’re being paid for: watch me, keep me from doing stuff that will make me sick; if I do feel sick you send me to the Kwiet Room, and if it’s more than that you take care of me until the ambulance gets here.” She winced at the idea and even more how casually he suggested it. “If I do go to the hospital you just let my Ma know about it. Other than that… yeah, you pretty much can just sit around, as long as you stay nearby.” He shrugged and moved on to the next race.

Tauriel steeled herself to continue the conversation. “Is that what Ettie did for you?”

“Yeah.” He crinkled his nose. “But she was way too strict. I had to get permission from her and from my mother to even go outside, and even then she wouldn’t let me do a lot of what I wanted to do.” He grunted when he went from second to fourth position in the second lap. “Look, can we not talk about this right now?”

She paused and nodded slowly, reluctant to let the matter go but granting his request for some peace. She’d learn the details as they came.

Most of the things to do down there were meant for two or more people –it was just the two of them down there, and Kili was content playing his game, which Tauriel didn’t try to interfere with. She wandered around the perimeter of the rec room a couple of times before this had obviously made the teen uncomfortable.

“There’s a library through that door.” He gestured without looking. “Take some books, if you want. Should be some good stuff in there, I wouldn’t know.” He finished the lap in second but there were two more to go, and Peach was right up his ass the entire time.

Tauriel nodded at his suggestion and went to look through the extensive library. She skimmed her fingers along the spines of several hardcover bound volumes but her mind was elsewhere. She’d never be able to read with the video game blaring, and she couldn’t shut herself away in this room –even though the armchairs in the corner did look very comfortable— as she was on duty and charged to look after the young man playing his game. She gave up on the notion of reading and returned to her previous preoccupation circling the room.

Kili didn’t stand for it so long this time around. “Do you wanna play?” he asked, just finishing the final lap of another race. He turned to her with a small smile. “I’ll even let you pick the level.”

She smiled back and sat down next to him, leaning back into the soft cushions and accepting the remote handed to her. She decided to play as Yoshi and they went at it.

It was maybe an hour or so later, and a very exciting and fun one at that, that they decided to take a break for lunch. “Where do you wanna go?” Kili asked, leading her back up the stairs to ground level.

“Is there not any food here?” She’d gladly make something for him if he didn’t cook for himself (which she couldn’t imagine he did; until she’d gone to college she never had, either.) She was on the clock, being paid a hefty sum with no bills to worry about herself, and all she’d done was start late and play video games. She wanted to make herself useful somehow.

Kili nodded slowly, a little smile tugging at his lips. “There is, but there’s better food, like, out there. Come on, my treat!”

They both showered and got dressed for a little time out. It turned out that Kili couldn’t drive, which didn’t surprise her, and though Tauriel didn’t drive much herself she at least knew how, and was permitted with a year-old license. The young man walking to the garage with her tossed her the keys to a Fiat and got in the passenger seat. “We’ll go wherever you want.”

Tauriel got in to drive, scolding him to buckle his seatbelt, and they headed off.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week has been absolutely crazy already in terms of my course work! (So much reading. I'm a much better writer than a reader -make what you will of that.) ANYWAY I haven't been online/on my computer AT ALL since Sunday but today there's finally a little break in everything I need to do. SO. I'm gonna upload the rest of what I have of this fic so far (up through chapter 12 now) between today and tomorrow. *fingers crossed* Thank you for your patience! ^-^"

"So what was up with the cupcakes?"

They'd ended up at a little café in a quiet corner of the city, sat in a booth away from others who might recognize them, waiting for the food they'd ordered thirteen minutes ago. In the meantime they did have their drinks, and Kili at first only stirred his strawberry lemonade with his straw before answering Tauriel's question with another. "What cupcakes?"

She smirked a little; she hoped he didn't think he was any cleverer than that line put forth. "The red velvet cupcakes laid out on the bar last night. Don't play dumb, I know you aren't; those cupcakes weirdly coincided with you asking me what flavor cupcakes I liked. Now, why did you make them for me?"

He scoffed and sipped his drink. "Who said I made them? I could've easily hired someone to make a dozen, two dozen cupcakes for what amounts to nothing, and you know that."

"Is flaunting your wealth your way of trying to throw me off? Because those little cakes were so crudely frosted it would not have been worth a penny to you, and a disgrace to the baker."

He stared at the rim of his glass for a moment, then back at her, giving that same analytical gaze he'd given her before. She sat tall against the cushioned back of the booth, meeting his stare with an equal one of her own. "I don't flaunt," he said finally with a small cough. "And what is it to you that I make some cupcakes?"

"You made them for me."

"I made them for anyone who wanted them. I was at a loss for what flavor and decided to be considerate and keep you in mind, since you'd be arriving that night." He smirked. "After I'd already gone to sleep, of course. It's a shame; I would've loved to see you. Are you as cute when you're tired as you are wide awake?"

Tauriel responded to the line and the accompanying wink with a hard slap to his arm. For a brief moment she thought of her job, but he could not be flirting with her if she was going to do her work efficiently, and he laughed the move off anyway. "Don't be rude."

"How was that rude?" he grinned. "I can't think of a sweeter way to speak to you than to talk about how cute you are." He gestured to his own cheeks to indicate the redness in hers, but she was well aware already. "And you are."

"It's not okay."

"Alright, then. No more."

They didn't speak again until after their food arrived, but the minutes didn't pass in discomfort. Tauriel did feel a kind of safety with him, and though she wouldn't put up with such blatant passes made at her by her young patient, she wasn't deterred by them, either. "How's the food?" she asked.

He crinkled his nose and shrugged, pushing the salad around on the platter. "It's okay. Not great but you get what you pay for."

She nodded. "We could've gone some place a bit better."

"No, no, I like it here. Nice atmosphere and everything." He pushed the plate an inch or so away from him and folded his hands on the table. "How's the burger?"

"It's pretty good." She'd only taken a bite or two; a strange feeling in her stomach she didn't think was hunger. She worried that if she ate the food too quickly she might be sick –she blamed the poor quality of the food itself.

Kili gestured to the fries that came with her meal, and gave her a wide-eyed look of question. She nodded and he plucked one off the plate. "You're not supposed to be eating fat or greasy foods, are you?" she asked coolly. He grinned and shook his head, plopping the fry into his mouth. She pulled her plate closer to herself and turned it in such a way he couldn't reach for another. "Did you take your medication this morning?"

"Of course," he lied, laughing softly. "You don't trust me, do you?"

"I like you, Kili, but you've given me no reason to believe you on this matter." It was a hard truth but he would need to earn her trust. If he was so happy to rebel against dietary restrictions then who was to say what else he might fight? "I need to make sure you're well."

"I'm still here, aren't I?" He leaned back and ran a hand through his hair. Neither of them said anything for a bit, the weight of the contrary to his implication too heavy not to slacken the pace of their banter.

Tauriel stared at her plate, at the food she was no longer up to eating. The sick feeling was only exacerbated by this conversation and it felt different, heavier now, sitting in her gut. She took a breath to calm herself and looked the teen in the eyes again. "Your mother says that you take good care of yourself, but that can only be from what she has seen and what your previous nurse enforced. I don't want to be too strict about anything –you are an adult and should be able to have some freedoms— but I won't allow you to sacrifice your health for a bit of fun. Now, I'll ask you again: did you take your medication this morning?"

"Yes."

"Alright." She examined her nails for a moment before noticing neither of them had touched their food in a while. "Do you want to go?"

Kili nodded and stood, letting her pass him and tossed a twenty down on the table (enough to cover their meals and a small tip for the apathetic waitress who'd served them.) The air outside was cooler than he remembered coming in, and clouds had rolled in front of the sun, leaving the two in a bitter shade.

Tauriel got into the driver's seat and waited, letting him get in beside her before asking, "Is there anywhere else you wanted to go?"

He checked the time; it was just past 12:30. "I'll text Fili and let him know we're coming by the tattoo parlor." He pulled out his phone. "Go on, pull out, I'll give you directions."

She nodded and got out into the road, driving slowly while her companion was texting his brother. Her eyes lingered on him for a moment longer than she'd meant to, but when he looked up he didn't seem to notice.

"Okay, turn right!"

* * *

The tattoo shop was much cleaner and more brightly lit than Tauriel had imagined, with beautiful artwork covering the walls. Fili was nowhere in sight upon entering the cozy establishment, though; "He's finishing up an appointment," the girl at the high front desk told them with a smile. "He should be done in…" She looked at the clock. "Ten, fifteen minutes; said he'll be done about one-ish."

Kili nodded and hopped to sit on the counter, looking at the young woman –about his age, Tauriel noted, watching on— and smiling. "How are you today, Sig? Must get pretty boring around here when no one's coming in; honestly, who gets a tattoo on a weekday afternoon?"

"You'd be surprised. I think with your brother back it'll be much more frequent." She was peaking around the corner, and the boy's eyes followed her gaze briefly before returning to her face. Sigrid smirked at him and sat back on her stool. "He's very talented, being so new to the business."

"Just watch, in a few years there'll be a line out the door waiting to get inked. But I didn't ask about Fili, I asked about you." Tauriel felt a pang of something watching him speak to her so freely. "How's school?"

"Well, I'm off for the summer; I'll be going home in a few weeks, when they find someone to replace me."

"Aw, no one could replace you." He smirked and said, more quietly, "Ask Fili, he'll agree."

She blushed and shook her head, staring down at the unmarked arms crossed against her chest. "My father needs me at home as soon as he can get me, though he'll never admit it. He'd rather I stay here, if it makes me happy."

"Then stay here!" he grinned, as if it were the only option left, and the best in his opinion.

"I can't stay," she laughed quietly, biting the tip of her thumb. "I'm shacking up in my friend's apartment with her and her boyfriend. I can't stay any longer than I'm needed here, I'm sorry."

Kili bit his lip and stared at a rose print on the wall, thinking. "Alright, then." But his tone said that this was far from over. "Will you miss me?"

She laughed and hit his arm, and the feeling in Tauriel's stomach hit her harder with it. "I'll miss everyone around here, but I'll be back in August, and we'll start the cycle again."

"Glad to hear it."

"Oy, Kili!" a voice called from around the corner, and Fili emerged, pulling latex gloves off his hand and chuckling as he approached. "Leave my poor Sig alone, she's got enough to deal with with just one of us around."

"Oh, I never get sick of my Durin boys," Sigrid smiled, leaning on her hand. Fili went behind the desk to throw his gloves away and did something –Tauriel couldn't see what— to make the young woman blush. "Is that the last one for today?"

"I got another one coming in in an hour; you can take a break, if you want. What Keets doesn't know won't hurt him."

Sigrid nodded and pulled out a pair of headphones to listen to her music. Fili turned to their visitors "Now –what are you two doing here?" He was looking pointedly at the tall redhead, not oblivious to how she hadn't said a word or moved a muscle, standing stiffly by the door.

"We went to lunch," she answered slowly, regaining her composure. "And ended up here."

"I thought we'd drive you home," the brunet added, "if you were done, but I guess not."

"Nah, I have two more clients and then I might be going to a party at a friend's place."

Tauriel didn't miss, even from her angle, how Kili's smile faded slightly. "Oh. Well, have fun, then!"

"I don't know if I'm gonna go. I mean, I was invited, but— unless you wanna hang out?"

"No, no, go have fun!"

There was a deafening silence between them for too long a moment for Tauriel to bear to go any longer. "How has your day been? I mean— I haven't seen you since last night."

Fili seemed taken aback but happily so at her question. "My day's been pretty good –wanna see what I got done?" Both of them nodded, and he reached behind the desk, near Sigrid's legs, to retrieve a customized album with his name etched into the front. He set it down on the desk and flipped to some of the last images inserted into the plastic slots. Kili and Tauriel looked on, proud and curious, respectively.

He showed them the two tattoos he'd done that morning –the first and second of five appointments— one of a watercolor hummingbird on a forearm, and the other a Celtic knot on a shoulder. Neither were perfect but both were very impressive for such a young artist. "The knot wasn't all done today, way too big; it was mostly touch-ups to one I hadn't gotten to finish before going back to school, and the guy didn't wanna take it somewhere else to be completed. He said he wouldn't be showing it off until summer, anyway."

Kili ran a finger over the brightly colored hummingbird. "Think you could do a wolf in this style?" he asked wistfully. Fili examined his own work for a minute before nodding. "Say, on my upper arm?"

Fili laughed and patted the younger's shoulder. "Ma would kill me first." And his brother could only pout while he closed the book and put it away. Tauriel smiled; his fruitless will was almost endearing. "Are you two gonna stick around a while?"

"Not unless you'd rather we go," the young woman answered, finding her voice in the absence of Kili's amidst his sulking.

The blond shrugged and shook his head. "I don't mind; there's a few chairs in the closet, sorry I can't offer something more comfortable."

"It's fine," Kili answered, picking at a stray thread on a careful hole in his jeans. "I think we oughtta get going, anyway. I have to go get something for next Saturday, should do it while I'm in town."

Tauriel looked at him curiously, but when he hugged his brother and said goodbye to Sigrid, she waved goodbye as well and followed him out. "What's next Saturday?"

"Little Frodo's birthday party, but I already bought his present. Uncle was gonna pick up some decorations but I thought we could do that instead –surprise him!" He swung the passenger door open and hopped in.

Tauriel smiled and got in the car with him, and let him direct her to the nearest Party City.

* * *

"What's his favorite color?" Tauriel asked, looking over a row of a rainbow of streamers as she walked down the aisle. Kili was comparing packs of balloons for quality, though he figured the more expensive brand was probably better.

"He likes green and blue –look for that." The balloons he was considering came in just those colors, and thus satisfied he dropped them into the basket. "See anything up there?" he smirked –she was an inch or two taller than him but even taller in heels, and he could admit to himself how he was admiring her from the low angle.

"There's five shades of blue, which one would be like best?"

"I don't know –they're all just blue to me."

"Well, they've got navy, teal, cerulean, turquoise, and royal—"

"Royal sounds fun," he smirked, and she smiled back down at him before plucking it off the high shelf. "Anyone ever tell you how tall you are in four-inch heels?"

She huffed out a reluctant laugh. "All the time, thanks."

"I mean it in a good way. You're really pretty from down here, and this angle isn't usually a flattering one."

She wanted to say something against his continued flirting after she'd shot it down for obvious reasons, and turned to look at him (to look down at him.) But this angle was a rather nice one for him; his brown puppy eyes looked even larger than usual, watching her. She groaned in frustration and turned into the next aisle. "What else do we need?"

Kili slung the basket onto his forearm to pull a list out of his pocket, struggling to read the chicken scratch on the note paper he'd stolen from the fridge. "I could've sworn Uncle's handwriting was better than this," he pouted, eyes narrowing on the hasty scrawl. "Balloons, streamers, candles… gift wrap, for anyone who needs it. That seems to be it –I guess Bilbo's getting the rest of it."

"Well, we've got balloons and streamers."

The teen's eyes had fallen on a cardboard box containing a plethora of different gift wraps, and he thumbed the rolls around in the tight confinement, looking. "He likes animals, especially dinosaurs; says he wants to be a plantologist when he grows up."

Tauriel took a very long moment to decipher that and could hardly contain a sudden fit of laughter. "A- A paleontologist, you mean?"

"What'd I say?"

And that was when she did allow herself to laugh, at his expense, bringing color to both their faces. "A plantologist—" Tauriel gasped out between laughs. Kili stared at her, eyes wide and cheeks burning. But he didn't grow angry or ask her to stop; he stood there and let her laughter ring through the store.

* * *

Kili put the plastic bag in the back seat and dropped himself into the front. Tauriel eyed him warily; he was looking rather winded from their walk back to the car. She wished she could've found a closer spot, but there was no parking on one side of the street and a tight line of cars on the other. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah." He waved her off, voice breathy but smiling. "Just a couple of blocks, don't worry –I can manage. I like talking with you, anyway, even if we're talking and walking at the same time." That wasn't a very good idea when he hadn't taken his pills; but he was alright, he told himself, and would hide the skipped dose when he got home. He laughed softly and pointed in the opposite direction from which they were facing. "We should go pick Ori up. They'll be out of classes by the time we get there."

Tauriel nodded and managed to turn the other way at the next light.

"Thanks for taking me out today."

She smirked. "You make it sound like a date."

"Which it was," he laughed, trying to get a rise out of her.

"It wasn't, and that's that."

"Whatever it was, thanks. I need to get out more often."

She wished he could, but this couldn't be an everyday thing. That conversation could wait, though; there was no need to argue now.

* * *

Kili was the one to honk the horn when they arrived at the academy campus, when the familiar face appeared coming out of the large stone building. "Hey!" he shouted with a grin out the car window. "Need a lift?"

Ori smiled back and scurried to the car, getting in the back. "Thanks, Kili, I would've been waiting forever for Dori to drive me."

"And we can't have that, can we? How much work do we have to do?"

Ori set his heavy bag down beside him, textbooks and notebooks and duplicate copies of assignments stashed away. "Not too much, but I'll think we'll be working to dinner."

Kili groaned and let his head fall against the seat. Tauriel smiled a little and pulled back into the road.


	10. Chapter 10

Kili groaned and tossed another piece of popcorn into the air, expertly catching it on his tongue.  _To The Lighthouse_  was resting open on his ribs, not nearly as far into the book as he needed to be for Monday's exam, but SparkNotes would prove a blessing yet again. "This is so fucking boring," he whined, lolling his head on Ori's thigh. The other rolled his eyes and shook his head halfheartedly, nudging his friend's skull off his knee. Kili whined louder and rolled over. "So bored. So damn bored."

"Just finish it and it'll be over," Ori assured. "Every assignment requires a certain amount of time and effort put into it, and however long you put it off, it's not gonna go away –might as well get it over with."

"How wise of you," he laughed, sitting up and eating a handful of popcorn. "But I'd rather just avoid the book altogether. I can't –I can't read any more of it."

Tauriel was listening from off to the side, in the same chair she'd sat in early the morning, flipping through a magazine, no intention to comment. His studies were none of her concern, and as long as she stayed nearby, she was doing exactly what she was being paid for. She only got involved when the book was tossed across the room. "Kili," she warned, giving him a similar glare to what Ori was shooting him; Kili was entirely unfazed by their disapproval and made no move to pick it up, leaning back into the sofa cushions.

The door swung open and "I'm home!" was called into the living room. Dis entered with a bag on each arm; "Ori, there's more in the car," and the boy set his textbook aside to hurry out to the garage. "How was your day?" the woman asked whichever person present would answer.

"Had a great time in the city," Kili smirked, looking pointedly at Tauriel, who just read the gossip section of  _Life & Style_. "We went to a diner, stopped in at Iron Ink, and picked up party decorations for next weekend."

"Oh." She seemed taken aback at the news they'd gone out but was smiling when she looked at the young nurse. "Did you enjoy your first day on the job?"

She nodded, bringing her eyes up from the colorful dresses on the page and smiling back. "It was fun; he didn't give me any trouble." This wasn't quite true, even if he'd been nothing but nice to her, because it seemed the teen was more reluctant to look out for himself than he'd made his mother believe. Tauriel's job might be a bit more difficult than she'd anticipated, but the pay was enough to keep at it at least a while longer. She was under contract, after all. "Can I speak to you, Dis? Alone?"

Kili gave her an odd look but laughed off his uneasiness. "Surely there's nothing you couldn't say in front of me."

Tauriel clucked her tongue and shrugged. "Alright, then." She turned back to the confused woman in front of her, and reached into her jeans pocket. "I found this in the trash when I was throwing a bottle of soda away." She held up a plastic baggie containing a half dozen pills of different sizes and colors.

Dis blanched, and turned sharply to her son; Kili glared into space, arms tight across his chest. Tauriel wouldn't mention how he'd lied to her about it; he had to be in deep enough as it was. She stayed silent and the quiet consumed them all, until finally Dis rubbed at her eyes, exasperated, and stared down at the boy who still wouldn't look at anyone. "Do you want to die?"

The bluntness of the question made Tauriel flinch; Kili shrugged, unwilling to relent in that moment, but he was quick to correct himself. "I honestly don't think missing one dose is gonna kill me, Ma. I mean, I feel just fine."

"You feel fine because you've been taking your pills –at least, I thought you were." Her calmness was almost unnerving and Tauriel tried to turn her attention back to the magazine. At a quiet assurance that this morning's regimen was the first he'd skipped, the mother continued with no choice but to trust it. "You know what happens if you stop taking them. You get sick, and you end up back in the hospital. Do you want that?"

"No." He was losing his hand in this fight.

"I didn't think so." She paused and looked between Kili and Tauriel, and she spoke next to the nurse. "You'll be monitoring his medication from now on; make sure he takes them when he's supposed to, that he takes all of it, and swallows all of it. If he's resistant, he can spend the day in the Kwiet Room."

"Yes, ma'am."

Satisfied for the time being, Dis moved on to the kitchen to get started on dinner. The front door swung open again, and Fili sauntered in with Sigrid in tow, carrying a box of pizza (actually, he balanced two in one hand) and two-liter bottle of soda each. "Hey! We picked up dinner." Tauriel didn't miss how Kili's eyes lit up when the duo came into the living room; the exchange that had taken place only moments ago seemed to take less of a toll on him than she'd thought it would, which –if she were honest— relieved her somewhat.  _He can't afford the strain of guilt, I guess,_  she told herself.

"What happened to that party you were going to?" he greeted, grinning brightly at his brother and their guest.

Fili shrugged and dropped the soda bottle into Kili's lap as he passed, patting his shoulder when his hand was free. "Didn't feel like going; thought I'd bring Sig over and we could all have pizza."

"I'm still not sure three pies is enough," Sigrid quipped, and Tauriel wondered again how many people in fact stayed in the colossal home. She counted four that lived there, including the elusive Thorin Oakenshield, plus Sigrid was here and surely Ori still was too, wherever he'd disappeared to. And herself, of course, but she wasn't sure if she'd be having any –still, she liked to think that she was being considered in their head count. Kili hopped to his feet and followed them into the kitchen; Tauriel, uncertain what else to do and feeling awkward in the living room alone, hesitantly stood and trailed in behind.

Dis saw the boxes and bottles and sighed halfheartedly, donning a pair of oven mitts. "You could've told me you were picking something up," she smiled, picking the pot of water up off the stove and dumping it into the sink. "I almost started on spaghetti."

"No need, Ma!" Fili laughed, setting the pizza he carried down at the breakfast bar. Sigrid set the final pie down beside them, and he started opening them up to reveal the food inside. One was plain, another half pepperoni and half sausage, and one white cheese. Fili spun around and saw Tauriel, and suddenly remembered something. "Oh, um –Tauriel! I didn't know what you'd like so I hope something here is good."

Tauriel smiled softly and assured him she'd eat one kind or another, but honestly, she wasn't very hungry. She watched Sigrid run through the imperfect slicing of the white cheese pizza with a cutting wheel, laughing and warding Kili off from nabbing a slice before they were properly split apart. His arm snuck in against her waist and Tauriel felt a jolt of something she knew she shouldn't have. "You're gonna get it on my shirt, stop!" Kili was laughing too, now, when the girl turned suddenly and waved the pizza wheel at him nowhere near enough to actually hurt him. Tauriel thought for just a moment that it was less likely to get on her shirt than on the soft stomach so prominently displayed under the hem of a butterfly crop top. She kept an eye on Kili's eyes, but they were focused on Sigrid's face and the slice of pizza he brought to his mouth.

"Pad the grease off that first!" his mother scolded from behind the counter. Kili groaned and set the slice down on a paper plate and grabbed a wad of napkins. The grease of the pizza soaked into the paper pressed into it, coming away a kind of sick yellowish color that Tauriel caught sight of before they were thrown in the trash. He was satisfied now to be able to eat his dinner in peace –by the end of the night he would eat two more slices, each requiring a sponging of the grease before he was allowed to take a bite.

Soon everyone was gathered again in the living room, the ladies all full or no longer hungry and the brothers occasionally returning for more pizza or soda. They were rejoined by Ori (whom Fili had bought a meatball parm), who stayed in their company a while before heading off to sleep; and, much later and very briefly, Thorin and Bilbo. The latter declined pizza and the former declined conversation in favor of going to sleep upstairs. He'd still not had a word with the young woman he'd be signing checks to. Bilbo was friendly and did introduce himself to Tauriel this time, apologizing for having not done so that morning –but he soon followed Thorin upstairs.

Sigrid grew tired around ten, and both Fili and Kili insisted she stay the night rather than drive home, but she didn't need much convincing. She thanked the group in general for letting her stay, and headed upstairs to find a guest bedroom. Tauriel felt an odd weight lifted from her shoulders when she was gone.

Kili felt almost inclined to ask if Fili had skipped out on the party because of him, wondered if his poor reaction to the idea of his brother spending another night out was less subtle than he'd thought. But he didn't want to ask and bring that awkwardness in: if Fili had decided not to go, Kili had to trust that it was of his own will, or he might have to feel bad about it. Instead he just leaned against the older brother's shoulder and they talked about dumb things for quite a while.

Tauriel was silent. Dis was silent, too, but seemed to be listening to her sons' conversation, and it wasn't long until she too called it a night. The three of them were then left alone, and Tauriel felt very much on the outside looking in on the other two; they were obviously very close and must've missed each other greatly when they'd been apart for so long.

But by midnight Fili was starting to yawn every few sentences, and Kili laughed softly when it was becoming too frequent to get any real word in. "Go on, go to sleep."

Fili nodded tiredly, squeezed his little brother goodnight and bid Tauriel the same before trudging off to his bedroom. And then there were two.

Kili, at least, to Tauriel's relief, didn't seem angry with her for revealing his little stunt from earlier. Maybe it was a good thing she'd left the lying bit out of it. Still, he didn't seem up to starting conversation, but refused to go to bed before one in the morning. Tauriel knew this wasn't a good sleep schedule but said nothing about it for now; she'd chided him enough for one day.

"You can go to bed, you know," he said at last.

"Not really. I'm supposed to watch you all waking hours." He scoffed and leaned his head back over the edge of the sofa. "If you go to sleep then I—"

"About earlier." He suddenly sat up, looking her dead in the eyes. "Why did you rat me out?" Still— he didn't seem angry. Disappointed, maybe even irritated, but she could see deep in his eyes that he already knew the answer and understood. So she didn't give him one.

"You're a smart kid. You know you need to take your pills and look after yourself and everything."

His lips tightened into a straight line, redness coming to his face. "Yeah, I do. But if I decide I don't wanna take my pills one morning then—"

"Then it's my job to correct that, however I must. I want to be your friend, Kili, I do; but I'm your nurse first."

There seemed nothing more to it on either end; and when Kili stood to go to bed, he didn't say goodnight. Tauriel was left alone in the dimness until she too marched up to her new bedroom to get some rest before sunup.


	11. Chapter 11

They were much the same to each other through the weekend. The brothers spent a lot of their time together so Tauriel was allowed some peace to herself, feeling justified in her leisure as there was no need to be so vigilant if the teen patient wasn't left alone. She made sure Kili took his pills in the morning and at night, but wasn't met with the same carefree conversation she'd shared with him on Friday and before, and didn't feel the need to force it. If he was bitter with her still, then so be it: he earned nothing more than a courtesy "good morning" and "good night" when they came together.

On Sunday, she finally met her employer properly, at dinner with the family and a few guests. Thorin was stiff but not unpleasant in his conversation with her, shared over haddock and steamed broccoli; his fiancé Bilbo was much more engaging and asked her loads of questions she couldn't always answer. She permitted a response that her family was well and yes, she missed them, but was happy for the opportunity to work here. She didn't let anything get too personal quite yet, and the ever gracious man didn't press. He showed off his engagement ring more than once to her, praising the dazzling diamond arrangement his jewelry mogul fiancé had chosen, earning a sweet blush from the silent man sat beside him.

"Really sweet girl, don't you think?" Bilbo mumbled to Thorin with a small smile. "We'll have to seat her somewhere nice at the wedding," He received a hum of acknowledgment, one Bilbo knew him well enough to decipher, and was pleased with the limited exchange. "Don't mind him," he assured Tauriel; "It's been a long week."

Tauriel almost tried to take Kili aside for a moment after dinner on Monday, but they had their friends over again, and she thought better of it when she saw he was happily engaged with Fili and Ori and Sigrid. They were huddled already around the television in the basement, chatting and laughing amongst themselves in a sort of tight-knit group that Tauriel felt no place in breaking into. Besides— he didn't want to talk to her. Quietly, and with some sick feeling in her stomach, she slipped back away unnoticed.

She'd mistaken the library door for the exit, and felt too out of place to leave until things had quieted down in the other room. She strolled along the shelves, fingertips skimming the spines of all kinds of volumes, until her attention settled on Ishiguro's  _Never Let Me Go_ , a novel she vaguely remembered from a literature course she'd taken her first or second year of college. Deciding she wouldn't mind giving it another look (remembering how much she'd missed before the big reveal) she plucked it from the fourth shelf and settled into one of the comfortable chairs, adjusted the lamp and started.

* * *

Tauriel didn't get much sleep following a late read, and before she was woken. She briefly thought in her groggy state that of the few nights she had gone to bed late was followed by the one morning she was forced awake earlier than she usually was on her own. Her mind came to focus in on the person shaking her shoulder; Dis stood beside her bed in a robe, urging the young woman awake. "Tauriel."

"Mm, yes?" She blinked up through the darkness. Dis only backlit by the hallway light shining through the open doorway; Tauriel couldn't make out her face. "What's wrong, what is it?"

"Kili's gonna be spending the day in the Kwiet Room; he can come out when I get home."

"Is he okay?"

"He's fine –had a rough night but he'll be okay." Dis forced a smile that Tauriel could barely make out as her eyes adjusted. "Make sure he takes his pills; you can sit in there with him but he needs to rest."

Tauriel nodded, physically sluggish but mind already alert upon hearing the news. She shook off the covers and stood, twisting and tying her hair into a messy bun, about ready to start on her morning routine. She checked the time –4:47. "Is he awake?"

Dis shrugged and stood back up straight, stretching her back. "He might be; if he's asleep, don't wake him up until nine." Tauriel nodded and went to brush her teeth.

Kili was already awake when she went in in her pajamas, lying flat on his back, tossing a Koosh ball up in the air and catching like he had a thousand times before. "It's too early for this," he groaned. It was somewhat a relief to her that even when he was unwell, the boy was his usual restless self. She asked how he was feeling and he shrugged his shoulders as well as he could in his position. "Same as every other day I spend in here; and even though it's so early, no more tired than if it was, like, three in the afternoon." He bitterly acknowledged that come three he would still be in here.

"I heard you had a rough night." She was still standing in the doorway.

"Nightmares, that's all. Come in."

She stepped cautiously to a chair in the corner and sat down. The angle to watch him from here was a bit odd, but she didn't say anything about it. "Do you wanna talk?"

"Not about that." It seemed his grudge against her foremost dedication to her job had disintegrated overnight. "We could talk about something else?"

"Like?"

"I dunno. What's going on in your life? We didn't talk much this weekend or anything, or yesterday when it was just the two of us. That was awkward as all hell, wasn't it?"

She didn't respond directly. Yes, the blatant silence between them had been almost stifling, but both were headstrong and unwilling to be the first to come forward and admit they'd been wrong.  _It'll make for an interesting dynamic,_ she mused with a small smile. "I was reading last in. In the library."

"Oh. Sorry, I didn't see you down there."

"Don't worry about it." She sighed softly and looked around at the blank white walls and white shelves around the white-sheeted bed. "So— is this all there is to your time in here?"

"Pretty much," he drawled, tossing the ball back up in the air and catching it before it smacked him in the face. "But normally I don't get company, it's usually just me."

"Is that because you're supposed to be resting?"

He laughed a little. "I get distracted from that really easily, or so Ma says. "I'm surprised you let you join me –or did you come without her knowing?"

There was a slight hopeful lilt in his voice and Tauriel nodded. "I came to see how you were doing, after I heard you weren't well."

"Oh –ignore that, really. I'm fine. She's kinda overprotective, I think you noticed." He seemed very relaxed and Tauriel wanted to keep up that lazy air about them so he wouldn't get worked up again. They talked like that for a while, an easiness settling like the silence had never been a thing between them. After a while, with a smile that spoke something like gratitude, Kili noted how he was feeling better after a few hours with her than he ever felt when left in here alone for a day.

Tauriel smiled down at the ground and then out the window. The sun was already hovering over the horizon somewhere in the sky, and everything was the pale blue of a sweet summery morning. "I'm glad," she replied simply, and thought now how if the weather held out tomorrow, maybe they'd explore the lands a bit. She'd leave it up to him, of course, and whether he was truly feeling up to the long walk, but she'd very much like to see the woods and the meadows she only knew from the balcony.

"Are you hungry?" Kili had noticed the time and his own stomach was starting to growl. Tauriel checked her phone –eight on the dot— and decided they could both do with some breakfast. She stood and smiled at him –"I'll go make us something."— and opened the window to let him feel the breeze before she left.

* * *

Tauriel didn't notice how aggressive she was beating the eggs in the skillet when Sigrid came downstairs. Really, she meant no hostility to the only other young woman in the house (in fact, she should be making an effort to make friends); there was something distasteful about her, though, that the nurse couldn't quite place—

"You're making breakfast?" And the smile she gave softened Tauriel just a bit, and she told her she was trying, at least. Tauriel honestly knew very little about cooking, but she'd make an effort to learn. She continued with the eggs in the pan when she was approached and gently nudged away from the cookery. "Let me help," Sigrid insisted, easily taking over and fixing the food like it had never been in the other's hands. "I do the cooking at home –eggs, bacon, sausage, coffee. I can make you an omelet, if you'd like!"

She nodded and backed against the breakfast bar, watching intently. "How was your sleep?" she asked absently while the tattoo parlor receptionist gathered additional ingredients from the fridge.

"Oh –it was alright. Didn't you wake up though?"

She frowned, confused. "Wake up to what?"

Sigrid winced and cracked to eggs into the hot buttered skillet. "Kili's nightmare ended rather loudly, I guess you slept more deeply than everyone else did."

That struck Tauriel but she fished for more information. "Who was it that woke up?"

"Fili, Dis and I all gathered in his room; poor thing was so frantic, about to pass out, but Fili calmed him down enough that he wasn't in danger. He must've woken Bilbo and maybe Thorin too—" (Tauriel was a little wary of how she was on a first name basis with everyone) "because Bilbo came out and asked if he should call an ambulance. Dis had be assure both of them that it was alright."

"Kili didn't tell me about any of this. We've been in the Kwiet Room talking for a while."

Sigrid didn't seem to like hearing that, and without much reason, Tauriel felt that urge to dislike her again. The conversation seemed to end there until three more people joined them in the kitchen. Thorin grunted a "good morning" to each of them (by name, in fact) and went for the coffee machine. Dis came in already dressed for her classes and didn't say anything, going for the fridge and plucking out an orange. Fili was shirtless and went right up to the two of them, just as Sigrid was starting on some bacon. "You're gonna burn yourself on the bacon grease," the amateur chef laughed, gently nudging him away without much success.

Fili only stood closer, bidding each a good morning with a smile that didn't quite reach his tired eyes. "How's everyone doing this morning?" Tauriel watched the bacon sizzle and pop and a drop of grease almost struck the young man's bare chest. She gave a noncommittal "fine" and stepped aside.

"It's almost ready, Tauriel," Sigrid announced, to which she received no answer.

"Make me one, too?" Fili asked, leaning against her. Sigrid hummed and pulled away to get more eggs from the carton. He grinned at her and hugged her sideways quick before approaching his uncle at the table. "I'm not going in today," he said, soft but decisive.

Thorin looked up at him over the edge of his mug. "What do you mean?" Fili was supposed to go in to Arkenstone with him today, and he'd be in quite a foul mood if his nephew was choosing one of the two days this week for such an opportunity to pick up more time at the tattoo parlor. Fili sensed this and crinkled his nose, shaking his head.

"I'm gonna stay with Kili, make sure he's alright." This seemed to catch the attention of the rest of those in the dining room and kitchen.

Thorin narrowed his eyes and spoke calmly, matter-of-factly. "That's what we hired her for," she countered, gesturing to Tauriel.

Fili glanced at her briefly and then turned back. "I know, but I figure I should probably be around." He annunciated each word very carefully to express that he knew what he was doing, and that there was no point in arguing. He respected Uncle Thorin very highly but he had a responsibility more pressing than the family business.

Thorin didn't say a word; he turned on his tablet and drank his coffee, waiting for Bilbo to arrive.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finishing posting what I have so far today! Hope you like :)

When Dis and Thorin left for the day, and Fili went to sit with his little brother –reminding Tauriel, when she tried to follow like a lost pup, that two people in the room with Kili could overwhelm him (which she didn't believe for a second) — the young nurse was left alone in the living room with Sigrid. The girl watched her with an absent glance around the still room, and her easiness unnerved her. Tauriel was reading again, and there was a nice silence between them until Sigrid broke it with her too-sweet voice inquiring: "What's it about?"

"The book?" Tauriel cocked an eyebrow in her direction, giving her an almost hostile look. She knew she was being rude, to someone who had done her no harm as far as she knew; and still Tauriel just ran a hand through her vain hair and and spoke to the girl in that snobby tone. Because as pleasant and friendly as she liked to be to everyone around her (and usually was), Tauriel had grown up in a house where she always got everything she wanted. When Tauriel had learned the concept of "Money can't buy happiness" at her prestigious day school, her godfather had laughed and said, 'That's something poor people say to make themselves feel better.' She was a young woman untroubled until now, because she wanted something (horribly, guiltily wanted something) that money couldn't buy, and Sigrid was in her way.

"Yes, the book."

Tauriel flipped idly between one page and another, and didn't look into the blonde's sweet round face. "It's about clones bred and raised to harvest their organs for donation."

She expected Sigrid to pale but instead she just smiled. "Sounds interesting." And it was, but she couldn't bring herself to give her the satisfaction of validation. Tauriel just read on.

Sigrid ran her hands over the fine velvet arms of the chair, using the quiet time to take in all the luxury around her. She'd been in the Erebor mansion several times before –she and Fili (and Kili, too) had grown incredibly close in the last year— but she would never grow used to the world of grand wealth that her new friends brought her lowly little self into. She looked at Tauriel; from the moment she'd seen the redhead she knew she came from the same type of background as the brothers, and like she had once felt with them, she was intimidated but not to the point of being afraid. Tauriel wasn't exactly friendly to her, but she could carry a conversation that she'd heard many beautiful/young/wealthy women would not share with the less privileged. Sigrid was oddly grateful that she was given what little blunt words were spoken to her.

And if Tauriel wouldn't be friendly with her, she would be friendly with Tauriel. "I hear you're doing a great job with Kili."

Tauriel scoffed, half-listening and flipping another page. "After last night? I half-expected to be fired."

Sigrid's brow furrowed and she shifted in her seat. "Why would you be fired?"

"Because I slept through his… episode." She wasn't actually sure what to call the occurrence she'd missed. "Because I live here so I can take care of him and yet it was everyone in the house –you included!— _but_  me who was there to help. Even Bilbo woke up and offered to call an ambulance."

"You were asleep!" She didn't mean for her voice to sound so shrill in her disbelief, and she cleared her throat before continuing. "I… I mean, I can't speak for Dis or Thorin, but I think they have you live here because, well, they have the room to spare, and it's more convenient. But I don't think you're on call 24/7. That would be awful, because the job… it's really just watching him, and most of it I imagine is pretty uneventful?" She laughed softly. "Well, not uneventful; not with him. But you know what I mean. This… thing doesn't happen often, and you can't be expected to sit in a chair by his bed all night 'just in case.'"

Tauriel stared, doe-eyed, uncertain of what to say. "Well. By that logic, as long as I'm not sharing a room with him, I can't be asked to be there right away at every single dilemma."

Sigrid laughed softly, and a more comfortable silence resumed between them. Tauriel looked at the rosy face pressed to stocky knees and began to rather like her, despite the obstacle she posed. Eventually Sigrid cut into the quietude again. "Tauriel, what do you know about boys?"

Tauriel smiled vaguely, clucking her tongue against her cheek and bending the corner of the page to put the book down. "That is an incredibly broad topic. What is it you wanna know about them?"

"I… don't really know how to make it clear to them that I like them, in that way. I thought maybe you would, maybe you could help."

Tauriel's shoulders stiffened and for a moment she thought to return to her book and ignore the blonde the rest of the day. She had a suspicion about who it was Sigrid had in mind, and had no inclination to help her in her pursuit. But it struck her then, an epiphany that she might be wasting her time begrudging this girl an innocent crush on someone she had little to no chance with. She'd like to, in all honesty, go after Kili herself –of course she did, but it wasn't as easy as just going "I like you, let's see where this goes." They could be friends –they'd be better off friends, but that was as far as it could get before things got muddled and confusing and she could get herself into a lot of trouble. Was the troubled troubling teen worth it?

She turned to face the other girl head on, and relished for a moment the sort of power she held in those dilated eyes. "Okay, yeah. I'll help you out."

* * *

It was much more fun to toss the Koosh ball when there was someone else on the other end. Kili was still made to lie flat on his back –honestly, the position was helpful in an insignificant way at best; more often than not it left him feeling more constrained, like he was tied down to the thick mattress, and that only got him more worked up instead of less. His Ma didn't believe him, or pretended not to so she could keep her faith in the doctors that, no matter how many times she tried to coax him to their side, Kili was convinced knew substantially less about his body and his limitations than he himself did.

The brothers were playing an easy game of catch, both overtly at leisure but harboring much more than either was willing to let on. Fili's steady gaze kept his younger brother under constant surveillance; Kili would not admit to feeling a subtle strain in his chest while his blood seemed to sit stagnant in his veins. Without gravity to work against his heart didn't figure it needed to work so hard, and settled on a palpably heavy throb every second-and-a-half (he was careful to time it.)

"What are you gonna do with your week?" the blond asked him, providing a welcome distraction. Kili answered only with a half-shrug and trademark smirk. Fili smiled back and tossed the ball once up to himself before back at the listlessly bedridden teen. "Don't give Tauriel too much trouble, alright? She seems like a nice girl."

"She is," and he knew it. He plucked at the rubber strings –blue, purple, green, and again— and put it back up on the shelf. The game had been a filler during a lapse in conversation, when neither was confident enough to voice what they were thinking. "Now –when can I be expecting a sister-in-law?"

Fili laughed and stared down at his boots. "Not any time soon? We're not even properly together."

"There are three F's to keep in mind when starting any relationship—"

"Please don't."

"—and those are: fancy, flirt, and fuck. (That last one's optional; I know you're not exactly into that.)"

"Hey. There are other ways to be intimate that don't involve sex."

"And when do you plan on getting there? You're already way deep in the first two, but it's been more than a year and you guys are still beating around the bush. Why? Why?"

Kili was playing the pest of a little brother but Fili was still smiling at the thought of his silly crush, and picked at the sleeve of his tee. He had a garden of graphic roses inked halfway down that arm, and remembered when Sigrid had seen it for the first time and how she admired it. She had been able to tell right away (after only a few months at the front desk of Iron Ink) that though it was stitched by someone else, it was his own design. "It's very you," she hummed with that sweet smile of hers and he'd been smitten ever since.

Kili's pale face broke into a wide and knowing grin, once again feeling triumphant in how his brother could hide absolutely nothing from him. "Come on –you're not getting any younger! I wanna be the uncle who spoils his nieces and nephews –you know, the cool uncle who gives great hugs and tells the best stories at family dinners: that kind of stuff." It wasn't quite true, and he didn't actually expect Fili, hopeless romantic though he was, to settle down at twenty with the nineteen-year-old he wasn't even properly dating yet. But the idea that it could happen, and happen in the next few years even, was exciting to him as it was to his brother.

"Well, you can wait quite a bit longer." He shifted in his seat and the smile faded from his face. "I don't think she's even interested. She could have her pick of the guys and I'm probably not very high on the chart of desirability."

"Oh, fuck off. Don't put yourself down like that."

"It's true, though. I'm… not like you, not when it comes to people." Fili had all the self-confidence in the world but he was an introvert whereas the brunet in bed was a socially-savvy extravert. "I wouldn't even know how to tell her; and even if I did she'd probably leave. Like, actually leave, and our friendship would be ruined because if I tell her I love her—"

"That changes nothing. Absolute worst case scenario, she doesn't like you back, not like that. But Sig does care about you –like, a lot, and it's way too obvious to go unchecked anymore. So if the only thing holding you back is your stupid doubts then we're gonna get you past that. You guys would be so happy together! You already are, really; you just need to make it official." The conversation, the subject matter getting him a little riled up, was stressful in an exciting but frustrating kind of way, and he felt like the loose vise on his chest was turned another notch or two.

Fili was hyperaware of his brother's condition after years of being on such carefully anxious and anxiously careful watch, so when Kili's breathing tightened even a bit he noticed. "Hey. Breathe, come on. Let's talk about something else."


	13. Chapter 13

They were alone on Tuesday, but didn't say a word to one another until almost noon (aside from "Take your pills" and his reluctant groan as she watched him swallow each of the six little tablets. He'd stuck his tongue out when they were gone, to show that they weren't tucked against his cheek to spit out when she wasn't looking, and to display his petty defiance when he wasn't in a place to rebel.) It was actually easier when Kili was being difficult, she mused, flipping through the latest issue of _Vogue_. He'd give the silent treatment for a little while until he'd let it go, come without apology to resume as if they'd never been annoyed with each other. And it was easier for her to accept a potential relationship between him and Sigrid -at his worst, the teen reminded Tauriel of a petulent child, wholly undesirable when he was so bitter; if Sigrid wanted that, she could have it with her blessing.

At his best, he was a kind and carefree young man, the kind of burdened that wasn't reflected in his happy personality -the kind that the blushing young nurse could see herself falling for. He was right across from her, leg up over the arm of the chair, irritated and busy with school reading. She glanced at him and buried her ruddy soft nose in the silky pages.

The movement, however slight, caught Kili's flippant attention. He bided his time. He went to the kitchen and plucked an apple out of a bowl, wiped it on his shirt; he returned to the living room and stood by the window until he gauged Tauriel's reaction to his wandering. She didn't seem to notice, buried in a thick magazine. He approached and knelt behind the couch, behind her frozen form. She continued to ignore him. "What you got there?" He peeked a little over her shoulder and didn't miss how she tensed and turned away. A little dejected but made genuinely curious by her attitude, he gently prodded her bony shoulder with a teasing finger, willing to keep it up until she gave in. He really was a child, Tauriel reminded herself, and still refused to look at him. "Did I do something wrong?"

 _Yes_ , she thought, _You act like a little kid and it's wonderfully off-putting. Please continue_. But in her approval of his insolent prodding she did finally tilt her head in his direction. This was enough to satisfy him, and he launched them into a conversation that he figured would appeal to Tauriel's interest and provoke her at the same time; she felt guilty both for wanting to engage and wanting him to go away.

"I can't read magazines like that." He bit into his apple and propped himself to half sit against the back of the sofa, watching her face lazily, chewing thoughtfully. "Isn't it all just models and clothes and makeup and stuff? Too anonymous for me; I know nothing about these women or –are there men in there?"

She flipped absently through a few pages, pretending to read. "Why does it bother you?"

"I have no idea who these people are, like I said. I doubt any readers know who they are, either. Do you?"

She shrugged. She could recognize a few models with fake first names and unpronounceable surnames, and more than a few designers but she could see how, for the skimmer, in the mass they all started to blend together. "I can see how someone like you might not enjoy it." She had said it to get a laugh out of him, and smiled a little to herself at her success.

"Someone like me?" he questioned, no real challenge in his tone, as if he agreed wholeheartedly.

"Yes, someone who does not follow fashion and is not so adept in the nuances of the business."

"Excuse me while I barf; do you always talk like that?"

"Does it make you feel inferior?" she smirked, and got a similar gesture in return.

"It makes you sound boring." He took another bite of the apple and dropped it into her lap. "Tauriel, I'm hungry."

She laughed softly, incredulously, but she humored him. She stood and moved to the kitchen (he admired her graceful movement from the back of the couch) and tossed the half-eaten apple in the trash. "What do you want to eat?"

"Can't we go out?"

"No. There's plenty of food here and it's not my fault is none of it satisfies you."

"It might not be your fault but it will be your problem if I go hungry."

Tauriel laughed and turned back from the cabinets to him. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and watched him for a sign of relenting she knew wouldn't come. "You are eighteen years old; there is food in the house –you know how to cook, you made all those damn cupcakes. If you can't feed yourself then I'm worried I might not be enough care for the impudent child you insist on playing, and you'll be put in a home where much surlier nurses will take care of you."

It had been a joke, with the lilt of an obvious laugh in her tone –but Kili wasn't laughing. When she looked from the lunch she was starting on to absently investigate his sudden silence, she saw that the smile had completely fallen from his face. His eyes were dark and his face was pale, and for a frowning moment Tauriel had to wonder what had brought this change in him. "Kili? Are you alright?" She worried about his health, that the mood had been altered by something physical. "Kili?"

He shook his head and met her eyes only for a moment (Tauriel almost flinched but the expression was, in that brief moment, overall unreadable.) He turned then and hurried back into the living room; before she could even react she heard footsteps stomping clumsily up the stairs.

* * *

Tauriel wandered the house for a while in a daze –wondered briefly if she'd ever passed the same spot twice in the behemoth home before her thoughts quickly skittered back to the teen in her care. Kili had not been in his bedroom, nor the Kwiet Room. She hadn't heard footsteps going back downstairs so he couldn't conceivably be in the basement rec room. After a while she gave her search of the house to a search of the last five-or-so minutes she'd spent with him today.

She'd known him only just over a week, and had been in the house five days. She couldn't know if this was long enough to have been able to notice anything off about his behavior before the sudden plummet –she had to keep that option on the back burner for now. Nothing had seemed physically wrong like she'd suspected; he knew how to respond to an emergency in his condition, and had seemed lucid enough to react appropriately if that had been the issue. So, with some relief, she was able to rule out the idea that it might be something that needed medical attention. ( _Though_ , she remembered quickly and slightly panicked, _if he's that upset there might be complications like that. It's best if he can calm down on his own, but if he can't, I better find him.)_

* * *

 

She found an answer before she found him.

Late winter three years ago, Kili (he was fourteen and fifteen at the time) went into the hospital and stayed two months solid. He’d suffered two near fatal incidents, one right after the other, and was being kept not only for observation but because his condition, it seemed, only seemed to be declining. Apparently, according to an incident report she found deep in his more expansive file (not the one she’d used to study, but one her maternal employer kept handy for her in case) there had been talk of moving him into hospice care when things were looking particularly bleak.

Tauriel did later find her patient in his room; she’d never find out where he’d been before, but that matter was of little importance now. He’d calmed down. There was no need for urgent intervention, he would be fine. And when he looked at her with a kind of timidity she never thought she’d see in him –a heartbreaking sight— she said it out loud. “You’re okay.” It was as much for herself as it was for him.

He nodded stiffly, shifting uncomfortably on his bed –he gestured for her to sit with him, and she did.

There was a very long silence between them. The silence wasn’t broken even when he’d laid his head on her shoulder. She didn’t shy away –she let him rest there, find whatever comfort he could in her rather useless presence.

“Don’t let them send me away…”

She shook her head firmly, a renewed fondness for him overtaking her. He wasn’t a child. He was eighteen years old and had seen more than his fair share of hardship in his young life; from what she could tell now, he’d built up a wall around himself, and it only started to crumble in his most vulnerable moments. He was letting her see him this way. Tauriel couldn’t ignore the significance of this –he was trembling against her –she was falling in love.


	14. Chapter 14

High school was almost over. Kili had known the freedom since before those four years of not being sent to the academy five times a week, but he claimed its presence still loomed over him in the assignments brought home. He struggled to decipher information as he looked through the extensive study guides, but all the information and expectations seemed to blend together. He groaned and blinked up at the ceiling.

Ori, reviewing for his calculus final, adjusted his glasses to stare at his unproductive friend. “Kili, please,” he sighed, tapping the boy’s packets with the blunt end of his pencil, trying in vain to redirect his attention. “You have exams coming up. Just work toward that and then it’s all over.”

Kili groaned again and tried to return to work, but no matter how long he stared at the small print the words were not being processed –he gave up altogether, arms crossed tight across his chest and shaking his head. He was done, and Ori felt a sinking in his stomach, knowing that there was nothing to be done.

Tauriel was off to the side making sandwich wraps for their dinner. She’d watched the boys working –or procrastinating— into the evening and she decided they had to be as hungry as she was. She folded chicken and tomatoes, cheese and lettuce into spinach tortillas, keeping them tight. She was in the fridge to find some side dressing when she heard her patient’s defiant noise.

“Kili,” she scolded from the counter. Not for the first time she found herself frustrated with his reluctance, and sympathetic toward Ori and his fruitless efforts to help his friend reach academic success when he was so resistant to it. But she could tell by the redness of the older teen’s face and the rings around his eyes that his defiance was born of exhaustion and his own frustration, and she was learning to be more patient now that she’d seen what hid under the aloof carelessness. She scratched at her head, messing up her ponytail. Her voice softened. “Kili, why don’t you go take a nap?”

He blinked again and stared for a moment, before standing without a word and going to his bedroom.

Tauriel caught Ori’s eyes. He shook his head at his friend’s disappearance, returning to his own work. Tauriel felt the need to mediate the situation. “He’s exhausted,” she reasoned with a feeble shrug.

“I know, but this is his last chance to do well.” Ori shut his book and headed down to the basement, leaving the young nurse in the kitchen alone with two more wraps than she needed.

* * *

 

There was no way to hide her dissatisfaction when reading her son’s final grades. “Mostly C’s. A D-minus. You failed two exams and an entire course. Kili. You are a smart boy, how did it come to this?”

He sat across the table from her but couldn’t look his mother in the eye. Her disappointment hurt more than any letter ever could. “I-I tried.”

She almost accused him of not trying hard enough, but stopped herself before the stinging words left her mouth. The fact of the matter was that her son had not met the school’s requirements for graduation. She turned to her brother, at the other end of the dinner table, where everyone had convened for a Saturday dinner. “Should I have pulled him from the academy? Should I have sent him to public school?”

Thorin wiped spaghetti sauce from his mouth onto a cloth napkin. “Sister, there isn’t much point in thinking of that now. He’ll repeat his senior year –he’ll pass, and we’ll make sure of it.” He turned to his nephew with that same disappointment in his eyes. “Why such poor marks?”

The air around the table was heavy and uncomfortable. The company seemed divided between blaming the teen, attributing his grades to his observed lack of effort, and sympathy when they noticed him trembling under his mother and uncle’s disapproval. His brother felt the most intense empathy, and turned to their mother. “Ma, there’s nothing that can be done now. Maybe –high school isn’t the best option when he can’t actually be there. Maybe he can take the equivalency exam, I’m sure he’d pass!”

Thorin shuddered at the thought of any of his family failing to complete their standard academics when they had means to the best education available. He wanted to speak but Bilbo –one of those who felt sympathy for the failed student— gave him a look that kept him quiet. Only Bilbo had such power over the man of power.

Fili looked between them, grateful for Bilbo’s intervening glare, and shoveled a spoonful of potatoes into his mouth. He was seated between Sigrid and Kili, and all his attention was on the latter. In that moment, all attention was either on Kili or on the food, but no one noticed how out of sorts he was like the older brother did. “Kee? Are you okay?”

The shivering brunet nodded stiffly, staring straight ahead as his vision blurred around the edges. He felt like he couldn’t breathe but couldn’t bring himself to draw any more unwanted attention to himself. He waved off his brother’s concerns and tried to eat again. His stomach turned slowly and dizzily; his right arm came tight across his abdomen while he forced his tingling left hand to grip the fork and dig into his dinner.

When Tauriel finally looked up from her meal –she’d tried hard not to publicly argue on the teen’s behalf— she didn’t miss the obvious change in the boy’s bearing and she started to attention. “Kili?” She looked into his eyes but wasn’t convinced he was staring back. “Kili, look at me.”

He didn’t. He couldn’t. Everyone at the table noticed and all eyes were on him, but he was too far gone to care.

Together Fili and Tauriel got Kili out of his seat, gently maneuvering him to lie down on the floor. Dis rushed to her son’s side, urging him to stay awake as she fell to her knees beside him, watching the teen quickly grow unresponsive. She watched her other son’s trembling hand reached quickly for the chain around Kili’s neck, pulling out the pendant and pressing the white button hard.

He couldn’t breathe. Everything was pain or numbness. He heard voices that he couldn’t identify blend together; through it all he made out one more insistence that everything would be alright, that he had to stay alert. He wished he could’ve listened before nothing more was processed through the dull throbbing pain.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't cruel enough to keep you guys waiting :P

They took up a few too many seats in the waiting room. Bilbo muttered something about having to go pick Frodo up from a friend’s house, and then take him home; he kissed Thorin’s stony face and shuffled out of the unnerving hospital with little more than a small wave to everyone else. Thorin leaned heavily against an art print on the wall, eyes falling shut at his fiancé’s absence –Tauriel watched him from a few feet away, and wondered how much it might’ve been better for him if his partner stayed.

Sigrid and Fili were sitting close next to each other; she twisted his hair a little around her fingers while he rested his head on her shoulder. The girl’s face held the kind of sadness Tauriel expected from someone in her situation –frightened in her own right but setting that aside in favor of comforting someone who needed it much more. Fili was half-asleep against her. Under heavy swollen lids his eyes were still wet and bloodshot; he’d been unreserved in his quiet sobbing the whole ride to the emergency room. (Tauriel had studied the synopsis of his little brother’s medical file. She wondered how many times he’d seen something like this before. She wondered if this incident was worse than the others Fili had witnessed.)

Dis sat closest to the double doors, next to the exit but watching the inside with trembling intensity. She was hunched forward, silent tears still slipping down her cheeks. She wasn’t the type to wail in her weeping, not when the situation was so dire, and her boys needed her. All she could do was wait for any word on her baby, and while she waited she was left to wonder what she might’ve done or said differently at the dinner table that might not have led them here.

Last anyone had heard of the teen: he was unconscious, unresponsive and critical. He’d gone into cardiac arrest and needed to be resuscitated in the ambulance. An emergency room physician specializing in such cases, flocked by nurses and medical assistants, were working to stabilize his condition. When his mother asked what was happening to Kili, she got the usual, “We’ll let you know as soon as we have anything to tell you.” After eighteen years managing her son’s condition, Dis knew what this meant for Kili, that they knew even less than she did. All she could do now was pray to a higher being she didn’t quite believe in, promising her faith to any entity that allowed her little boy to last the night.

The silence dragged on and almost suffocated Tauriel, who wasn’t quite sure what to feel about the situation. She was worried, of course. She probably could’ve gotten herself in with Kili if she’d mentioned her certification. But she wasn’t sure she wanted to. God forbid anything happen to him—

“I should’ve known better.” Dis was rubbing her hands together, wringing her skin raw, almost pulling her wedding ring off her finger. “I should’ve approached it more gently. This was not a new issue –why did I need to put it all on him all at once?”

Tauriel –and everyone, it seemed— wanted to assure her that there was nothing she could’ve done. And they might’ve tried to convince themselves of that, but no one believed it enough to say it out loud.

Someone with a broken arm was called in to see a doctor, clearing up a spot next to Fili. Tauriel looked to Thorin, to see if he’d move to take a seat, but he stood still as ever. Hesitantly, she moved to collapse into the plastic chair herself. Fili jumped skittishly at the noise. “Sorry,” she apologized meekly.

“Were you taking care of him right?”

Tauriel looked at him. The blond hadn’t said a word through his tears since his brother was loaded into the back of the ambulance. His tone now was as dead as his drained emotional state would suggest, bu there was a degree of accusation in his question that made Tauriel unsettled in her seat.

“Yes. Yes, I’ve been taking care of him.” She had to think back on their couple of weeks of her service to him for a moment, all of it flashing by rather quickly. But Kili was mostly independent and was trusted to largely take care of himself. He took his own meds (under Tauriel’s supervision) and monitored his own condition. Tauriel was mostly there for emergencies, and to the best of her ability, she had been. “I do my job.”

“Some damn job you’ve been doing of it.” Sigrid tried to calm him down but Fili was already going in his grief. “What the hell just happened? Why is he here?”

“Fili, stop.” Dis glared at him from two seats away and he faded into a teary silence. “This is not Tauriel’s fault. It’s something that happens, you know that. Maybe— Maybe not usually this bad, but this isn’t the first time he’s been hospitalized for seemingly no reason. It’s not her fault –it’s not anyone’s fault. Now quiet and stay strong, your brother needs you.”

Tauriel felt the strong urge to help them all through this difficult evening, but there was nothing she could do as long as Kili’s fate remained a mystery to them. She joined the distressed mother in watching the sterile double doors.

* * *

 

They arrived at the hospital around seven. It was almost midnight when they got any news.

The truth of the situation was that it was kind of somebody’s fault after all. Kili hadn’t been taking his medication. Recently, under Tauriel’s watch, he’d started to have to swallow the six pills in the morning and seven at night. But it seemed Ettie had been less mindful of his quiet rebellion –had anyone inspected trash hauls of the last few months they might’ve come across hundreds of vital little tablets.

“And how is he?” Thorin was quick to ask when the cause of the incident had been revealed. For most of the rest of them, the idea still needed to sink in. The patient’s uncle proved the most level-headed in that moment. “Is Kili alright?”

“He’s still kickin’.” The doctor smiled grimly and looked down at his clipboard. “He’s awake, lucid but very weak and very tired. You can go and see him, one at a time. Please… don’t rile him up. He’s gonna be here a while without further complications.”


	16. Chapter 16

He was used to being sheltered, coddled; he experienced it as love and attention he’d relished as a child. His mother would come in and check on him at least once every night, and kiss his head, and he’d been able to not notice that sad look in her eyes that he’d awaken to in her presence. He’d always been a performer, putting on acts for family and friends, wanting to make them happy. He loved to make people happy.

It wasn’t until he’d hit puberty that the careful attention became unnerving. Kili wanted to get out, to actually experience what the world had to offer. He had the financial means to get out and about, but the relentless fretting of his mother and wariness of his brother and everyone else loomed over him, keeping him tethered to a house he’d spend day-in and day-out without taking a step out of reach.

He didn’t want to have to be sick, and resented it more and more every day he couldn’t wake up healthy. His life was a constant cycle of in and out of the hospital, some stays substantially longer than others; he took his pills and ate what he was allowed to, and still everyone worried that quiet kind of worry that no one really wanted to talk about. The matter would be stepped around in an elaborate dance at every dinner, every party –when someone asked how he was feeling they always meant it that way. And every time, against a lingering –sometimes growing— tightness in his chest, he put on a show and a smile and said he was fine. Because that was what they wanted to hear; they wanted to feel validated in their efforts to keep him safe. But they didn’t know what it was like, living with a chronic ache and burden.

The older he got, and the more unstable he started to feel in every sense, he came to hate how everything was about his physical state. If he was sick, he knew what to do about it, and could do it himself (Ettie was kind enough to tolerate but useless to him besides passive company.) He wanted to tell someone that he wasn’t happy. He felt out of control of his life, a constant itching under his skin that went undiagnosed as long as attention was drawn elsewhere. No one made the connection between his emotional and physical state. He hoped now, after so many witnesses to the sequences of events at dinner, that someone would finally notice –that he could bring the act to a close, take a bow in brief acknowledgement of his years of effort.

He hoped they could derive some happiness from his coming to peace. He loved to make people happy.

* * *

 

Kili almost expected not to wake up. He felt a sensation of floating as his eyes opened to the ceiling of the hospital room, a blurry image of white. For a moment he felt like he was drifting somewhere between here and not-here, but as his time conscious accumulated, details came into focus with his vision. He started to remember (his mind taking control and bring him back) to how he’d gotten here in the first place.

The last time he’d been hospitalized for more than a day or two was in December, just after Christmas. He couldn’t remember what had triggered it; the three weeks blurred together now but Fili was there with him every day, he remembered, missing appointments with clients to keep him company. His mother and others came and went, too, but not daily (Dis’s constant checking in died down after that first week, when he was officially “out of the woods” and kept for further observation.) Fili had a month off of school and spent nearly all of it visiting. Kili tried not to think about the fun he was probably missing out on with friends, and how his brother couldn’t relax in his vacation time because he got up so early to be there right when visiting hours started. Fili didn’t want him to feel guilty for his hospitalization –he told him that he was happy to be there and not away at school if his baby brother was gonna be stuck there, so that he wasn’t alone. “I know you hate to feel alone.”

Kili had stopped taking his pills months ago, taking the control he craved in the worst way possible. His growing lucidity allowed him to remember the date, how it corresponded with his last stay –January 19th, the day Fili had left for his spring semester. He’d hugged him tight, afraid to let go. “I’ll be back in May, don’t worry. I’ll call you when I get there.” But it was still another five minutes before his little brother would let him go.

Ettie had turned in early with a headache –“He’s moped since his brother left,” she’d told Dis, mild and objective, on her way to bed. “He’ll continue to mope until he falls asleep.”

And that night, wrapped in the sudden renewal of his loneliness, he’d missed his dose, and every dose after that.

Fili was the first to visit him, and Kili couldn’t look him in the eye when he came. He wished it was under the same circumstances as last time, that chance had made him sick, that he couldn’t be held responsible for his own suffering. He’d let his brother down and they’d both suffered for it –no, he couldn’t look at him.

“Kee.” The blond’s voice cracked. He stared with red-rimmed damp eyes at the pale figure under the sheets. He was swaying slightly in his confused stupor –after it had been revealed that Kili had been lying about taking care of himself, he was apparently the only person that still wanted to see him as soon as possible. He was hurt, honestly, but knew his brother well enough that it wasn’t just sheer stupid rebellion that had brought him here. “Talk to me, please. Tell me why you did it.”

“What does it matter now? It was stupid and reckless and— I promise I’ll never do it again, Fee, please don’t hate me.”

He was taken aback by the response: how could it ever cross Kili’s mind that his brother would hate him? He sat close to the bed, reaching for the hand that wasn’t fostering an IV drip. “I could never hate you, ever! I’m on your side here, Kili –I always will be. But I need you to let me in, need to know why you did it, because I can tell you’re hiding.” Kili started to protest but he wouldn’t let him. “Don’t try to deny it. Something’s wrong and I want to help, but… you’re keeping me in the dark  and I can’t help you from there.” He squeezed his hand and gently ruffled his hair. “Tell me why you stopped taking your pills and we’ll work from there.”

Kili sniffed. If there was anybody he trusted fully it was Fili, and he wanted to talk for so long about how he was feeling about everything –but when he tried to speak the words caught on his tongue. Tears prickled in his eyes and he thrashed a bit in his frustration, but a soothing hand on his shoulder calmed him down.

“You’re tired, aren’t you?” He nodded. “Do you wanna talk when you’re a little better?” Reluctantly, the brunet nodded again, earning a gentle squeeze and small smile from the blond. Fili was tired too, but promised to stay with him as long as he needed.

Kili started to fall back asleep; he heard his big brother ask a passing nurse to let everyone in the waiting room know what was going on (Kili was going back to sleep for the night, he’d stay with him, they could go home.) His eyes fell shut and he felt a soft kiss to his forehead before he was out again.

* * *

 

The next day he could have more visitors. Fili held his hand as he spoke to their mother and uncle –voice shaking, his brother’s comfort getting him through it without much incident. He’d need a few sessions of rest early on, when his heart rate started to spike, but he trudged through the end because even the quiet moments didn’t settle the screaming in his mind.

He told them everything about when and why he stopped swallowing the thirteen pills a day. He struggled to talk about how he was feeling, too used to bottling everything up. He felt like a burden; he felt out of control in his own life; he was so sick of being sick, and though he appreciated how much his family and friends cared about him he still felt too often alone. He hated having to say that part: he loved his family and knew they did their best for him. He stressed that he knew there wasn’t much that could be done but he trailed off and needed a moment to breathe. Fili hushed him gently, kissing his head.

In the end Kili was shaking violently, suppressing sobs; Fili’s eyes were wet but he looked proud of him for talking so openly, so bravely; Dis had the same silent tears left unchecked rolling down her cheeks. Thorin sighed, stony but visibly sad, and rubbed at his beard. He was the first one to speak. “What can we change?” He sounded uncommonly helpless in his question, almost as lost as his nephew felt.

But Kili had no concrete answer, and it scared him. “I—… I just know that something is wrong and it needs to ch-change. I’m sorry I don’t know how.”

“Shh, baby, don’t be sorry.” His mother stepped closer and took his other hand. “We’ll… We’ll work on it.” She wasn’t sure there was anything that could be changed, but she and everyone would be willing to make an effort. “Are you feeling alright?”

For the first time in a long time, she sounded to him like she meant it in two ways. He shook his head feebly, breaking her heart but solidifying her resolve. Kili would be in the hospital at least another week; she and her family had time to conceive and implement changes before her baby came back home.


	17. Chapter 17

The night before Kili was due to return home, Tauriel was helping the weekly maid clean up the common areas and arrange everything for optimal comfort when he got back. She hadn’t visited him in the hospital except once; she wasn’t needed, assumed she wasn’t wanted, and it had only been yesterday that Fili let Tauriel know Kili had been asking about her. She’d gone first thing this morning.

The teen seemed, to her, to be in a much better mood than before he’d been taken away in the ambulance. And not just immediately before –those long minutes must’ve been agony. He seemed more… if she could say so, stable, emotionally as much as he’d thankfully been made physically. He smiled at her as soon as she entered the room, a broad, genuine smile that had her smiling back.

“Where’ve you been?”

Her face burned, though there was no bitterness to be detected in him. She watched silently for a moment as he stopped scrolling endlessly through his phone and devoted all attention to his nurse.

“I’m sorry.” And before he could protest her apology, “I meant to come sooner. I just didn’t know if you wanted to see me.” She’d been rather useless at her job, taking care of him like she’d been contracted to do. In only a short time she had already failed on more than one occasion –even sitting right in front of her at the dinner table, it had taken her just a few seconds too long to react. Thankfully, the teen patient was resilient, and somehow undeniably happy (at least chipper) in that moment.

She stayed through the morning and afternoon, until Fili came by after work. Leaving with a refreshed energy after seeing her patient so well, she returned to Erebor determined to make everything comfortable for his return.

“Tauriel?”

She hadn’t heard Dis coming through the front door. The older woman called out her name again, and this time the young nurse answered. “I’m here; in the kitchen!”

Dis came into the kitchen to find her son’s nurse baking something, and apron tied around her waist and flour smearing her cheek. The matriarch smirked, amused at the sight. “What on earth are you doing?”

“Returning the favor,” she answered simply, brighter than she’d been in days, pulling another rack of red velvet cupcakes from the oven only to stick another one in and set the timer. “He’s coming home tomorrow, isn’t he?”

“Yes; Fili’s picking him up after work. They won’t be back until tomorrow night.”

“Can he be released earlier than that?

“Yes, but—”

“I can go get him.”

Dis paused a moment. “Tauriel, you really don’t need to.”

“It’s my job to take care of him.” And after that night at dinner she was more determined to succeed in her work than ever. “If he wants to be home and not in the hospital until his brother can pick him up, then I can go into the city and get him myself.”

Dis sighed and leaned against the counter, nudging a tray of cupcakes across the granite. There was no easy way to address this, and no segue into the issue. She had to just come out with it. “Tauriel?”

“Yes?”

“I’m gonna be honest, I came home planning to fire you.”

Tauriel blanched; she had almost expected this but dreaded it at the same time. It was only seeing Kili better that had calmed her nerves somewhat, and allowed to be proactive at the estate in making everything perfect for the teen’s return. She stood stiffly, sort of hunched over the oven until she finally turned to face the woman at the counter. “I—” She swallowed. “I understand.”

“But,” Dis continued, “it’s not that simple. I don’t want to fire you, Tauriel; you’re a sweet girl and I know you care about my son—” Color returned to the nurse’s face, red bright as her hair. “—but you haven’t been the best caretaker for him. You never seem to be around when he’s in crisis, and otherwise your mind seems elsewhere and you respond too late.”

“I’m sorry…”

Dis took a moment, deciding if she really wanted to add this amendment to her plans, what she’d spent her entire ride home struggling over. Now was her last chance to make that decision, and it was easier in the nurse’s presence, when she stood so vulnerably right in front of her. “However… Kili’s also very fond of you. And lately he’s… expressed something to us that we really should’ve noticed earlier.” She gestured almost absently to her neckline. “He has the pendant in case of an emergency, and knows how and when to use it. My constant fretting over him has done exactly what I never wanted for him…”

“You did what any mother would…”

“No. I didn’t listen; I wouldn’t listen. Every time he just wanted to be able to be a normal teen I chocked it up to rebellion, thinking he would get himself into danger. If- If I had to live the same kind of life as he did, at his age, I would want to rebel, too. But he’s smarter than I gave him credit for, than the school gives him credit for…” She sniffed and tore a piece of paper towel from the roll to dab at her eyes. Her makeup was running. “I’m gonna leave it up to him whether you stay or leave; I think –and I hope I’m right in my thinking now— he needs a friend more than a nurse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably write one more chapter, and then continue with other stories in the same AU :)


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